Benji and Joel's online convos

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 03:59:25 GMT

If you are going to leave rude and immature comments relating to these journals, at least have the balls to use your real LJ name. It's pathetic to go through the entire process of creating a new LJ account just to leave some stupid comments and then delete the journal right after. No one is forcing you to read any of this, or even acknowledge that these journals exist. Grow the fuck up.

Friends Only.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 04:53:47 GMT

This journal is going to be friends only from now on. If you are already added you'll stay added. If you would like to be added, add the journal, comment, and you will be added back. Thanks.

72.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 07:36:30 GMT

explodingxxboy: hey ben
allxbustedxup: hey jerm
explodingxxboy: how are you?
explodingxxboy: benji?
allxbustedxup: im alright
allxbustedxup: you?
explodingxxboy: same i guess
allxbustedxup: something wrong?
explodingxxboy: just that i'm not with you
explodingxxboy: you doin ok?
allxbustedxup: just bored
explodingxxboy: me too
allxbustedxup: im so fucking lonely joel
explodingxxboy: :-( me too benji
allxbustedxup: i havent done a thing today
explodingxxboy: why didn't you call me?
allxbustedxup: im scared too, cause i dont know if you'll be by someone, i dont want you to get in trouble
explodingxxboy: i'm in my room 24/7. i wont get in trouble, i promise
allxbustedxup: joel i want to see you
explodingxxboy: i want to see you too
allxbustedxup: i dont think its healthy just how badly i need to see you...
explodingxxboy: i know how you feel...
allxbustedxup: i called eddy to come over
explodingxxboy: to do your tat?
allxbustedxup: no
allxbustedxup: i told him to bring over whatever he had
explodingxxboy: no...
explodingxxboy: what did you do?
allxbustedxup: nothing
explodingxxboy: i don't understand...
allxbustedxup: he hasnt come over yet
explodingxxboy: ..what are you going to do?
allxbustedxup: i dont know
explodingxxboy: what is he bringing?
allxbustedxup: most likely weed i dont know it he has anything else
allxbustedxup: i wont joel
explodingxxboy: please don't do anything...
allxbustedxup: i wont, i just had a stupid moment and called him
allxbustedxup: is there anyway i can see you tonight?
explodingxxboy: just come
allxbustedxup: what about your family and nanny
explodingxxboy: i'll sneak you in
explodingxxboy: somehow
allxbustedxup: what if we get caught then i wont ever get to see you again
explodingxxboy: we wont
explodingxxboy: i dont want you to do something benji...i wanna see you
allxbustedxup: i wont do anything joel
explodingxxboy: promise me
allxbustedxup: i promise
explodingxxboy: i can figure out how to get you in...
allxbustedxup: i want too joel but i dont want you to get in trouble
allxbustedxup: they'll hurt us both if we get caught
explodingxxboy: what if we don't get caught?
allxbustedxup: that would be amazing
explodingxxboy: you could sneak through my window...
allxbustedxup: where should i park my car
explodingxxboy: would you mind parking down the street? i could sneak out and meet you right at the beginning of my street, and then we could sneak into my room together...
allxbustedxup: dont leave the house, you could get caught on the way out or something
explodingxxboy: but i need to meet you so i know when you're there and can help you in
allxbustedxup: ill call you from a gas station
explodingxxboy: and i'll look for you from my window?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: should i just leave later tonight>?
explodingxxboy: yeah, that would be better
allxbustedxup: from your house?

explodingxxboy: oh, umm...well i want to spend at least a few hours with you...
allxbustedxup: how about i leave sometime in the early morning?
explodingxxboy: would you be ok with that?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: ill leave in like an hour
explodingxxboy: i can't wait benji, god i can't wait
allxbustedxup: me either
explodingxxboy: ...can you just hold me?
allxbustedxup: fuck. of course
explodingxxboy: and kiss me?
allxbustedxup: you dont even have to ask these things
explodingxxboy: i love you benji
allxbustedxup: i love you too joel
explodingxxboy: you know what it means if we pull this off tonight?
allxbustedxup: what?
explodingxxboy: i get to see you anytime we want
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: hey benj?
allxbustedxup: yeah?
explodingxxboy: what do you want for your birthday?
allxbustedxup: aww, i dont need anyhting babe
explodingxxboy: yes you do!
allxbustedxup: i dont celebrate my birthday
explodingxxboy: but i want to :-(
explodingxxboy: i know what i'm going to get you benji
allxbustedxup: what?
explodingxxboy: you'll see
allxbustedxup: i want you...
explodingxxboy: ;-)
allxbustedxup: i wanted you all wrapped up in a bow
explodingxxboy: oh?
allxbustedxup: yep
explodingxxboy: hmmm...i'll have to see what i can do with that ;-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: :-*
allxbustedxup: :-*
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: an hour an hour an hour
explodingxxboy: till you leave?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: gah
allxbustedxup: im gunna listen to joel music all the way there
explodingxxboy: what's joel music?
allxbustedxup: music that reminds me of you
explodingxxboy: aw like what?
allxbustedxup: im making a joel mix
allxbustedxup: just songs that remind me of you
explodingxxboy: haha, you are? tell me what's on it. i wanna know what songs remind you of me
explodingxxboy: please?
allxbustedxup: The Used- i caught fire
explodingxxboy: aw dude
allxbustedxup: forever prince will remind me of you
explodingxxboy: :-[ oh god
explodingxxboy: that was the most embarrassing thing ever
allxbustedxup: it was the fuckin' cutest thing ever
allxbustedxup: then ive got a couple of emo songs that remind me of you
explodingxxboy: i have a weakness when it comes to prince... :-[
explodingxxboy: what songs?
allxbustedxup: straylight run- the tension and the terror, despite some of the words in there
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: i actually listened to that one a lot before we were together
explodingxxboy: i like that song
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: yeah
allxbustedxup: and rancid "who would've thought"
explodingxxboy: that song reminds me of you :-)
explodingxxboy: i wanna make a benji mix now
explodingxxboy: you know what song i listen to and think of you?
allxbustedxup: which one?
explodingxxboy: "just like heaven" by the cure
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

explodingxxboy: You're just like a dream :-)
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: this weekend i've been listening to the cure non-stop, being emo and pitying myself
allxbustedxup: ive been laying around doing the same thing, well i wasn't listening to the cure
explodingxxboy: i threw on some rancid earlier today for you
allxbustedxup: i read through every magazine i have about 200 times today
explodingxxboy: i wrote a lot
explodingxxboy: i write when i'm upset
explodingxxboy: the only time i've ever written something other than when i've been upset, was when i write about you and how you make me feel. the only happy things i've ever written have had to do with you
allxbustedxup: can i read it?
explodingxxboy: will you play me the song you wrote? i know you can't tonight...but sometime?
allxbustedxup: the one recorded for you?
explodingxxboy: yeah
explodingxxboy: it's so fucking amazing
allxbustedxup: it sucks
explodingxxboy: i didn't say anything right away because i didn't want to embarrass you, but fuck benji, it's incredible
explodingxxboy: i was speechless
explodingxxboy: i cried...
allxbustedxup: im sorry
explodingxxboy: don't be sorry benji
allxbustedxup: its a crappy song joel, you can say so
explodingxxboy: it was incredible. i mean it, i was speechless...i listen to it over and over again...
allxbustedxup: i was so nervous recording it
explodingxxboy: it was beautiful benji...i'd love more than anything if you played it for me...
allxbustedxup: i dont know if i can
explodingxxboy: it's just me baby
allxbustedxup: exactly
explodingxxboy: please don't be nervous around me
allxbustedxup: normally im not, but with this, if i screw up id be so embarrassed
explodingxxboy: you won't screw up benji
allxbustedxup: i screw everything up
explodingxxboy: you do not
explodingxxboy: you won't screw up, i know you won't...and even if you did, i wouldn't even notice
explodingxxboy: i'll never make you do anything you don't want to do benji. i just want you to know that i love the song so much, and would love to have you play it for me, but you honestly don't have to if you aren't comfortable. i completely understand
allxbustedxup: i want too joel, cause if you say it means that much to you, i want too, its just... i will
explodingxxboy: take your time...whenever you feel like you're ready, okay?
allxbustedxup: ok
allxbustedxup: im gunna leave now baby...
explodingxxboy: okay benj...drive safe...i'll be waiting for you
explodingxxboy: i can't wait till you get here
allxbustedxup: me either
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: i love you too

71.

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 06:23:20 GMT

explodingxxboy: omg benji!
allxbustedxup: hey
explodingxxboy: fuck dude, i'm so pissed...i miss you, i'm so so sorry about this weekend
allxbustedxup: guess i can unpack my stuff...
explodingxxboy: :'( god benji, i'm so fucking sorry
allxbustedxup: its fine
explodingxxboy: i was in trouble last night. my parents shut off my internet and wouldn't let me use the phone and i was so fucking pissed off and worrying about what you were thinking. god, i'm so sorry
allxbustedxup: why were you in trouble?
explodingxxboy: i got a C on one of my tests...
allxbustedxup: oh
explodingxxboy: i threw a fit last night...
explodingxxboy: i'm so fucking sorry benji. i thought about you all night...i'm so fucking sorry that i couldn't talk to you. i love you
allxbustedxup: its fine joel
explodingxxboy: are you upset with me?
allxbustedxup: no
explodingxxboy: ...are you upset?
explodingxxboy: benji...?
allxbustedxup: NO IM NOT
allxbustedxup: no im not*
explodingxxboy: you seem upset...
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry for fucking up this weekend. it's all my fault.
explodingxxboy: if i wasn't so fucking stupid we'd be together right now...
allxbustedxup: its fine joel dont worry about it
explodingxxboy: no it's not fine
explodingxxboy: i want to be with you so fucking bad
explodingxxboy: i'm so mad at myself for ruining it...we get such little time and i fucked it up
allxbustedxup: we can do it next weekend joel, and that concert this week... will you be able to go?
explodingxxboy: asking would've just gotten me in more trouble...i'm going to ask monday
explodingxxboy: i hope you dont think i purposly didn't show up benji....PLEASE dont think that...
allxbustedxup: its fine joel, i talked to maddy today and she said she'd do that if you want too
explodingxxboy: benji, you say "it's fine" like you think i don't want to see you...
allxbustedxup: if you didnt its fine. if not then alright
explodingxxboy: ...you don't believe me?
allxbustedxup: i do
explodingxxboy: i ALWAYS want to be with you benji...
explodingxxboy: i love you so fucking much...please don't doubt it...
explodingxxboy: :-(
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry
allxbustedxup: dont be joel
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry i made you upset benji...you don't think i really want you...
allxbustedxup: im not upset joel
explodingxxboy: you aren't saying anything back to me...
allxbustedxup: sorry
explodingxxboy: :-(
explodingxxboy: i fucked everything up
allxbustedxup: joel its fine, i promise
explodingxxboy: it isn't fine benji
allxbustedxup: joel, honestly it is, i just wanted to see you and im being a big baby
explodingxxboy: i want to see you so fucking bad benji!
explodingxxboy: and you dont believe me and it hurts benj...i love you so much...
allxbustedxup: i do believe you i just over think shit
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry baby. i'm so fucking sorry
explodingxxboy: i feel so horrible...what you said about unpacking your bag, that just got me...i want to see you so bad...i miss you
allxbustedxup: i miss you too
explodingxxboy: i'll make it all up to you baby
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry i keep fucking us up
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry...i can leave you alone if you want...
allxbustedxup: no
allxbustedxup: please dont
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: because i dont want you too
explodingxxboy: i fucked up this weekend, and everything else...and you aren't really talking...i just figured you'd want me to...
allxbustedxup: no, ive just had a bad day
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry benji
explodingxxboy: why did you have a bad day?
allxbustedxup: i had to work and then i just laid around figuring you didntwant to hang out
explodingxxboy: :'( god benji, i can't tell you enough how fucking sorry i am
allxbustedxup: its fine i understand now
explodingxxboy: but it just kills me knowing you thought that
allxbustedxup: sorry for being a jackass
explodingxxboy: god, don't call yourself that benji
explodingxxboy: you aren't a jackass at all
explodingxxboy: you were upset and it's all my fault. i'm so sorry baby...i'm going to make this all up to you benj
allxbustedxup: you dont have too, i just over think everything
explodingxxboy: no, i do have to benj. i want to make up the time that we didn't get together
explodingxxboy: i love you benji
allxbustedxup: i love you too, i miss you
explodingxxboy: i miss you SO fucking much
explodingxxboy: i promsie i wont let this happen again...i'm going to study even fucking harder
allxbustedxup: i didnt sleep last night
explodingxxboy: i didn't either...
explodingxxboy: i worried so badly, and felt so horrible....i didn't know what the hell to do benji, i couldn't talk to you at all and it was so hard
allxbustedxup: i think i went through every emotion and thought every possible thing
explodingxxboy: i laid in bed and i imagined you at home, looking so hurt because you never heard from me, and it broke my fucking heart benji...that image kept playing through my mind all night long
allxbustedxup: my dad thinks im crazy
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: cause i was sitting out on the couch waiting for you... and i heard him at the door coming in, so i jumped up and grabbed my bag all smiling at him
explodingxxboy: god benji...my heart hurts so fucking bad
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry
allxbustedxup: its not your fault
explodingxxboy: i thought of everything last night, and i couldn't make anything happen...and all i could picture was you at home and it kills me, especially hearing that
allxbustedxup: im just a dork
explodingxxboy: no you aren't, not at all
allxbustedxup: i just have to realize that i cant always have what i want when i want it
explodingxxboy: benji, that isn't it
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry that all of this shit keeps happening...it's my fault. you don't deserve all of this shit
allxbustedxup: im just being a big baby joel
explodingxxboy: no you aren't
explodingxxboy: don't even say that
explodingxxboy: ...can i call you? i finally have my phone back, and i need to hear your voice and talk to you
allxbustedxup: yes i am, i just expect to see you 24/7 and i dont even think about that you have a life outside of this, and you're dealing with a crappy situation, all i worry about is that i dont get to see you
explodingxxboy: but it isn't that i WANT to have a life outside of you benji
explodingxxboy: my whole life revolves around you now...all i worry about too is getting to see you, and be with you, because that's all i live for anymore. there isn't anything else but you
explodingxxboy: and because of me and stupid mistakes i keep making, i'm fucking things up and we can't see each other as much anymore...and no matter what you say, it's is my fault. it's my fault for leaving my journal out, it's my fault that i got a C on a test...it isn't my parents faults for having the views they do because it's how they were raised...it's all my fault, and i'm so sorry benji. i'm so sorry.
allxbustedxup: dont say that joel, its not your fault
explodingxxboy: yes it is. i was stupid and made those mistakes and that's what is keeping us apart
explodingxxboy: i knew that if my dad read my journal he'd freak, and it was so stupid and careless of me to leave it out. i should've kept better track of it
explodingxxboy: i want to call you benj...i need to hear your voice and tell you how much i love you. can i call you?
allxbustedxup: no..
explodingxxboy: ...oh...ok...
allxbustedxup: i sound like shit
explodingxxboy: i don't care benji. i sound like shit too
explodingxxboy: please...
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: if you don't want to...then i wont...
allxbustedxup: i want too... but ive been.. crying..
explodingxxboy: so have i...
allxbustedxup: :-(
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry for making you cry ben
explodingxxboy: i love you so much
allxbustedxup: i did it to myself by thinking the worst
allxbustedxup: i love you too
explodingxxboy: can i call you now?
allxbustedxup: yes
explodingxxboy: ok, i'll talk to you in a minute
allxbustedxup: alright

70.

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 07:37:04 GMT

allxbustedxup: take my hand take my hand take my hand take my hannnnnnnd take my... LIFE!
explodingxxboy: i don't want to take your life :-(
explodingxxboy: i'll take your hand though
allxbustedxup: im melting in your eyes, like my first time, that i caught fire, just stay with me lay with me now!
allxbustedxup: every second im without you im a mess
explodingxxboy: :-*
explodingxxboy: you are not
allxbustedxup: am so
explodingxxboy: i don't think you are
allxbustedxup: i am
explodingxxboy: it doesn't show
allxbustedxup: pfft
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: so whats up?
explodingxxboy: nothing, blah
allxbustedxup: i hear ya
explodingxxboy: i feel like a prisoner here
explodingxxboy: i feel like i'm constantly doing something wrong with the way that my family looks at me, not like i didn't before, but even more now that they know about us
allxbustedxup: they shouldnt fucking treat you differently. you're human!
explodingxxboy: i'm used to it, but i'd usually just leave or something, but now i can't and it sucks. i'm stuck here
allxbustedxup: im sorry babe
explodingxxboy: hopefully something can be worked out soon. i don't want to wait until my birthday when i can move out
explodingxxboy: i'm scared to piss them off too much because i have a lot of money coming to me when i turn 18, and that's what i'll have to move out on and get some place of my own until i can find a job or go to college or something...i don't want that taken away...and wow, i sound like a spoiled little brat
allxbustedxup: no you dont, i understand
explodingxxboy: i am a spoiled brat
allxbustedxup: no you're not
explodingxxboy: how am i not? mommy and daddy pay for everything, and i'm worried i might not get my trust fund money. that's pretty spoiled
allxbustedxup: being a spoiled brat would be you running around showing off your money
explodingxxboy: i just feel like i am
explodingxxboy: i wanted to get a job, but they won't let me because they don't trust me
allxbustedxup: why dont they trust you?
explodingxxboy: well, i wanted to get a job a long time ago but my mom was like, "joel, don't be silly. why on earth would you want a job? no one would even hire you" and then this week i wanted to but they think i'll just go see you instead
explodingxxboy: you really don't think i am benji?
allxbustedxup: no
explodingxxboy: do you promise? really, tell me if i am
allxbustedxup: i promise joel
allxbustedxup: you've never once flaunted your money
explodingxxboy: i just want the money i'm supposed to get because then we can move to new york together benji
allxbustedxup: i want us to move together
explodingxxboy: we'll be able to live somewhere nice benji, it'll be so awesome
allxbustedxup: i dont care where we live
explodingxxboy: i don't either benji
explodingxxboy: i just want it to be nice for us
explodingxxboy: new york is expensive, and it would be so awesome to live right in the city
explodingxxboy: anywhere with you though benji, is where i wanna be :-)
explodingxxboy: you'd really want to live with me?
allxbustedxup: of course!
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: that'll be such a huge step for us benji...
allxbustedxup: i know... think you're ready for that?
explodingxxboy: i do
explodingxxboy: living with you would be amazing benj
explodingxxboy: i get scared though....i'm scared you'll get annoyed with me or something, or us to fight
allxbustedxup: id never get annoyed with you
explodingxxboy: i'm always scared you'll change your mind...
allxbustedxup: never
explodingxxboy: i hope not
explodingxxboy: oh shit dude, you know what i just realized? i feel like such an idiot
explodingxxboy: allxbustedxup: every second im without you im a mess when you said that i read it wrong and thought it said "with"...i feel like a retard for what i said back to you. i'm sorry baby. i'm a mess without you too :-(
allxbustedxup: aww haha
explodingxxboy: i take back what i said afterwards. i'm sorry
allxbustedxup: dont be sorry baby
explodingxxboy: i am :-( i totally know that song, blah. stupid moment
explodingxxboy: i didn't sleep well last night. i've been so stupid all day
allxbustedxup: is every opk?
allxbustedxup: ok*
explodingxxboy: yeah...just couldn't sleep i guess. i wanted to just cuddle into you so badly, but you weren't there and i got really lonely
allxbustedxup: shit joel, that breaks my heart
explodingxxboy: i just miss you...
allxbustedxup: i miss you too
explodingxxboy: i go to bed at night and i just want nothing more than to feel your arms around me...and i hate when i can't
allxbustedxup: i wanna be with you so bad
explodingxxboy: i just feel so lonely and cold and sad when i'm alone
allxbustedxup: me too baby
explodingxxboy: tomorrow is friday...
allxbustedxup: ...any word from your uncle
explodingxxboy: i haven't talked to him all week...
allxbustedxup: oh..
explodingxxboy: i'll call him from school tomorrow
allxbustedxup: hey!
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: do you wanna go see the uesd with me...
allxbustedxup: ???
allxbustedxup: used*
explodingxxboy: when are they coming?
allxbustedxup: the 23rd
explodingxxboy: i'd love to dude...but how?
allxbustedxup: maddy
allxbustedxup: she loves them
explodingxxboy: so...i'd pretend i was going with maddy?
allxbustedxup: ill buy her a ticket if she goes to your house and pretends to be your gf so you can get out of the house for a "date"
explodingxxboy: dude, i can pay for her ticket. don't worry about it
allxbustedxup: its fine man its my idea ill buy it for her
explodingxxboy: but technically she's "my date" ;-) her ticket is on me dude
allxbustedxup: >:oim buying it jerm
explodingxxboy: are you sure it wouldn't be weird for her? or you or anyone else for that matter?
explodingxxboy: :-\ ok
allxbustedxup: she's got a bunch of friends that go to those shows
allxbustedxup: so she'll be fine
explodingxxboy: okay
allxbustedxup: i could just meet you two there
explodingxxboy: and then she'd go find her friends?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup signed off at 1:02:10 AM.
allxbustedxup signed on at 1:02:16 AM.
explodingxxboy: am i introducing her to my parents as my new girlfriend, or just a date?
allxbustedxup: whatever you think they'd buy more
explodingxxboy: probably the date thing...then if need be i can just keep it up like we're dating
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: ohh well looky there... i just bought your ticket too :-)
explodingxxboy: YOU DID NOT BENJAMIN! >:o
allxbustedxup: yep, i did
allxbustedxup: its my date fool, of course im gunna pau
allxbustedxup: pay*
explodingxxboy: dude, you didn't have to pay for me
allxbustedxup: i wanted too :-)
explodingxxboy: i feel all guilty when you buy me things
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: you work hard for your money benji, and i don't want you to waste any on me
allxbustedxup: couple of things, its not like i work at nasa or do something important, you're my boyfriend it doesnt come close to being considered "wasting money" and third, im not poor ive got a pretty good sized bank account, ive been working since i was 13, didnt have much to spend my money on then so ive been saving
explodingxxboy: i wasn't calling you poor... :-(
allxbustedxup: i know
explodingxxboy: i don't want you to think i think that
allxbustedxup: i know baby
explodingxxboy: i have SO much respect for you benji
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: the fact that you've done so much for yourself, by yourself...i look up to that
allxbustedxup: ive been making pizzas..
explodingxxboy: so?
explodingxxboy: you do and have accomplished so much more than i ever could
allxbustedxup: i make pizzas joel and pay a couple bills
explodingxxboy: you go out and you work, and go to school and support your fucking deadbeat dad...you do a lot benji, and i admire you
allxbustedxup: speaking of my dad... i havent seen him in 3 days
explodingxxboy: :-\
allxbustedxup: maybe he left!
explodingxxboy: do you think he did?
allxbustedxup: its fun to think
allxbustedxup: it was either monday or tuesday morning the night before i fell asleep on the couch and he woke me up in the middle of the night with a knee in the ribs... if he's gone ill throw a fucking party
explodingxxboy: :-( i hate how he treats you benji
allxbustedxup: i hope he's gone
explodingxxboy: i hope he is too
allxbustedxup: anyways, we're going to the used! im excited
explodingxxboy: i love the used dude
allxbustedxup: me too
allxbustedxup: i cant wait
explodingxxboy: me either :-D
allxbustedxup: ...i guess i better get to bed... let me know abuot tomorrow
explodingxxboy: okay...i will
allxbustedxup: love you baby
explodingxxboy: i love you too benji
allxbustedxup signed off at 1:32:45 AM.

69.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:29:09 GMT

explodingxxboy: hey love machine
allxbustedxup: >:o
explodingxxboy: :-( what?
allxbustedxup: you made me all horny!
explodingxxboy: by just calling you love machine?
allxbustedxup: haha, no
explodingxxboy: how'd i make you horny?
allxbustedxup: i took a nap earlier and i had a dream about you... and yeah
explodingxxboy: oh really?? tell me baby
allxbustedxup: you came to my work and we went into the back and magically there was a bed back there and we were making out and getting pretty hot and heavy and you go "fuck me baby"
explodingxxboy: =-O
explodingxxboy: i'm so dirty ;-)
allxbustedxup: it was so hot
explodingxxboy: ...did we?
allxbustedxup: i woke up :-(
explodingxxboy: what a tease
allxbustedxup: no kidding!
explodingxxboy: ;-)
allxbustedxup: i haf to go take myself a cold shower
allxbustedxup: had*
explodingxxboy: you should've called
explodingxxboy: while jerking off....
explodingxxboy: that would've been hot
allxbustedxup: who said i jerked off?
explodingxxboy: i didn't...i said you should've, and called me while you were...
allxbustedxup: :-P
allxbustedxup: i did
allxbustedxup: no amount of cold water was going to make that go away
explodingxxboy: must've been some dream...
explodingxxboy: why didn't you call?
allxbustedxup: figured that might be a little weird, plus what if your parents would've picked up?
explodingxxboy: my cell dude
explodingxxboy: i think it would be hot ;-)
explodingxxboy: all i have to do is think back to saturday...in the shower...
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: you turn me on
explodingxxboy: god benj, there's no word for how hot that was
allxbustedxup: i cant help it
explodingxxboy: i was thinking about you in the shower today...
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: mmhmm
explodingxxboy: i was late to school...
allxbustedxup: ooh tell me more :-)
explodingxxboy: you know what happened ;-)
explodingxxboy: i thought about being with you this weekend and...i had to take care of some things before i could go to school...
allxbustedxup: yum
explodingxxboy: i imagined you were doing exactly what you did last weekend...
allxbustedxup: :-*
explodingxxboy: what did you think about in the shower?
allxbustedxup: my dream, and all the things that would've happened if i hadnt of woken up
explodingxxboy: so you thought about us...having sex?
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: ....tell me about it
allxbustedxup: about what?
explodingxxboy: about us having sex....
allxbustedxup: what do you want to know?
allxbustedxup: ...i really want too
explodingxxboy: i do too...
explodingxxboy: just...what you thought about...
allxbustedxup: i just thought about how nice it would to be with you like that... feeling you
explodingxxboy: who...did what?
allxbustedxup: i did you
explodingxxboy: anything else?
allxbustedxup: i dont know, i just think about us being together like that and i want it, i want it because i want to feel closer to you
explodingxxboy: are you wanting to...soon?
allxbustedxup: i want to when you're completely ready
explodingxxboy: but obviously you're ready...
allxbustedxup: joel, im ready when you are. i dont want you to feel pressure. just fucking spending time with you is MORE then enough for me. i just love seeing you
explodingxxboy: i do want to benji...so bad...i'm just, scared i guess...but i love you so much and i want to feel you like that so badly
allxbustedxup: im in no rush baby, eventually you know, you're all new to this, im not about to throw that onto you
explodingxxboy: i know you aren't...but i want you to know how much i want to be with you like that benji
allxbustedxup: i want to be with you like that too joel, more then anything, just please baby don't feel any pressure, its not somtehing i NEED, you're what i need and i love just spending time with you
explodingxxboy: i do too benji
explodingxxboy: i love you so much
allxbustedxup: i love you too
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: it makes me so happy knowing that it'll be you who i share that with benji
allxbustedxup: i wish i could give you what you're going to give me
explodingxxboy: you are
allxbustedxup: no..
explodingxxboy: in a way you are benj
allxbustedxup: how?
explodingxxboy: you're giving me your love
allxbustedxup: thats all ive really got to give
explodingxxboy: that's all i could ever ask for
allxbustedxup: eventually baby we'll get there
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry, i dont want you to wait too long...
allxbustedxup: im in no rush, i want this to last and if that happens then we've got a mighty long time
explodingxxboy: i know...but i hate that it's up to me
explodingxxboy: i just want you to know that i want you benji, okay?
explodingxxboy: all of you, everything
allxbustedxup: im not sex crazed babe, ive never been someone who constantly NEEDS it. it's always just been something to do before. we were drunk or high... uh.. what else is there to do, wanna fuck? i guess.
explodingxxboy: i know you aren't. i don't want you to think i think that
allxbustedxup: thats all i need joel, i just want you to want me, not sexually, well i want that too, but i want you to want to be with me
explodingxxboy: i want everything about you, i want to be with you in every way
allxbustedxup: what i want most from you is to just be around, i just wanna wake up next to you, and if waking up next to you happens to be some morning from the night before when we had sex, thats more then an amazing thought, but just waking up to you on weekends when i get the chance to you, you have NO idea how perfect that is to me
explodingxxboy: i think i do have an idea how perfect it is benj :-)
allxbustedxup: you couldn't possibly cause you dont wake up next to you
explodingxxboy: i have you, and that's the best thing in the world
allxbustedxup: it never seems real to me, that at any point in that time i can lean over and kiss you... thats something i wanted since we met, and something ive wanted from someone in general for a long time, but since we met its been you ive wanted to do that with, so being able to do it, its so fucking surreal
explodingxxboy: it is real baby :-)
explodingxxboy: can i call you?
allxbustedxup: like in some stupid corny way its like i was looking for you but just didnt know it was you i was looking for this whole time ya know?

explodingxxboy: i know EXACTLY what you mean
allxbustedxup: but when we met i knew you were fucking perfect, but i figured it was god's sick joke like "here he is, the most fucking perfect kid in the world BUT he likes girls... sorry loser"\
explodingxxboy: i knew there was something different about you and our friendship and how it was going to end up, but i didn't really know what i was feeling...but then i realized it
allxbustedxup: of course you can call me
explodingxxboy: i wanna tell you things and hear your voice...
allxbustedxup: what do you want to tell me
explodingxxboy: just stuff
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: love you baby
explodingxxboy: i love you too benny boo ;-)
allxbustedxup: jermy
allxbustedxup: spermy jermy
explodingxxboy: >:o
explodingxxboy: that's the grossest nickname :-(
allxbustedxup: aw but you're still my jerm
explodingxxboy: fine. but i am NOT spermy
allxbustedxup: sometimes you are ;-)
explodingxxboy: well...in my nickname i'm not, cause that's not cute
allxbustedxup: jermy j bug
allxbustedxup: talk to you in a minute love
explodingxxboy: :-P ok babe
allxbustedxup signed off at 1:28:56 AM.

68.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 06:12:30 GMT

explodingxxboy: :-*
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: my flowers smell so pretty :-)
allxbustedxup: do you like em?
explodingxxboy: i love them
allxbustedxup: i THOUGHT i wasnt gunna see you today so i had to do something
explodingxxboy: that was such a nice surprise benji, thanks again :-) they're beautiful!
allxbustedxup: your surprise was better
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: i had to see you, i couldn't not see you today
allxbustedxup: i know baby
allxbustedxup: im so glad you came over
explodingxxboy: so am i
allxbustedxup: that was the best valentines day :-)
explodingxxboy: yeah it was
explodingxxboy: it's been the best four days ever
allxbustedxup: i agree!
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: you're the nest
allxbustedxup: best*
explodingxxboy: so are you benj
allxbustedxup: did you get in trouble or anything?
explodingxxboy: nope
allxbustedxup: good
explodingxxboy: i won't be able to use that excuse again for a LONG time, but it was totally worth it today
allxbustedxup: man, this sucks
allxbustedxup: i wish your parents weren't so fucking small-minded
explodingxxboy: i know dude. hopefully something will be able to change their minds soon
allxbustedxup: i hope so
allxbustedxup: brb babe
allxbustedxup signed off at 3:59:44 PM.
allxbustedxup signed on at 4:29:32 PM.
allxbustedxup: sorry about that
explodingxxboy: that's ok. where'd you go?
allxbustedxup: had to use the phone to call the electric company
explodingxxboy: everything ok?
allxbustedxup: yeah i got a disconnect notice, but they cant do that in the winter to begin with, but i also just sent the money on thursday so they must not have gotten it
explodingxxboy: i hope not
allxbustedxup: its alright though i got eveything straightened out
explodingxxboy: that's good :-)
allxbustedxup: is your nanny there?
explodingxxboy: like always
allxbustedxup: damnit
explodingxxboy: i know
explodingxxboy: i'm surprised i got away with seeing you earlier. my parents are even more suspicious of me today
allxbustedxup: what if i dress up not like myself and you can say you have to do a school project with me
explodingxxboy: they'd recognize you
allxbustedxup: damn
allxbustedxup: you know i had a plan...
explodingxxboy: i dont think they'd let me do anything with a guy PERIOD. they're probably afraid i'll make a move on them or something
explodingxxboy: what's your plan?
allxbustedxup: what if... cause i was telling maddy about our situation and she was all "aww that really sucks benji" what if we had her pretend she was your gf like show up at your house, you make your parents think you're dating her, tell them that she lives like 45 minutes away, you met her at a concert, she'll come over a bunch of times and they'll think you're "cured"
explodingxxboy: i'd feel so horrible using maddy like that though benji...
allxbustedxup: yeah...
explodingxxboy: she'd honestly do something like that?
allxbustedxup: im a jerk
allxbustedxup: she might
explodingxxboy: no you aren't baby
allxbustedxup: she's kinda seeing this kid, i guess she met him at a party and he lives like 30 minutes from here and she cant always get the car to go see him, so maybe if i agreed to pick him up or something before or after picking you up then she might go for it, or i could give her gas money to do it
explodingxxboy: tell her your idea and ask her
allxbustedxup: would you go for that?
explodingxxboy: anything to see you benji
allxbustedxup: ill ask her tomorrow
allxbustedxup: ...would they make you like, kiss her infont of them?
explodingxxboy: they might...
allxbustedxup: oh..
explodingxxboy: to have me prove to them i'm "cured"
explodingxxboy: i don't want to kiss her benji
allxbustedxup: i dont want you too either...
explodingxxboy: if i have to, the deal is off
allxbustedxup: well then they'll know somethings up, and you'll get in trouble
explodingxxboy: i can't kiss her though...
allxbustedxup: you cant, because what if you started getting feelings for her something...
explodingxxboy: i wouldn't ever benji!
allxbustedxup: i dont want to lose you
explodingxxboy: you won't, i promise
explodingxxboy: i love you
allxbustedxup: i love you too
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: ..you ok baby?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: just lonely
explodingxxboy: :-( i'm sorry benj
explodingxxboy: i'm lonely too
allxbustedxup: its not your fault
allxbustedxup: i just wish you were still here
explodingxxboy: so do i ben
explodingxxboy: ji
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: can i call you ben?
allxbustedxup: think you can get away with calling me that?
explodingxxboy: maybe 8-)
allxbustedxup: aw you asked so nicely
explodingxxboy: ben is cute :-)
allxbustedxup: its so sounds so... elegant, something im not
allxbustedxup: it sounds so*
explodingxxboy: i don't think it sounds elegant
explodingxxboy: i think it's cute
allxbustedxup: well if you think so
explodingxxboy: you have to hear the way I'D say it, cause it sounds cute to me
allxbustedxup: are you saying it out loud?
explodingxxboy: in my head...
explodingxxboy: haha
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: god, you're so damn cute
explodingxxboy: :-P shut up
explodingxxboy: can i call you ben sometimes?
explodingxxboy: if i get the urge?
allxbustedxup: for you... yes
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah, only cause i like you a lot
explodingxxboy: aw, i feel so special :-)
explodingxxboy: trust me, i say ben in a way you wont hate ;-)
allxbustedxup: oooh
allxbustedxup: if i didnt know any better id think you're flirting with me
explodingxxboy: :-*
explodingxxboy: maybe
explodingxxboy: do you like it?
allxbustedxup: i love it
explodingxxboy: what if...i was to moan the name ben...would you like it then?
allxbustedxup: damn... that would be fucking hot
explodingxxboy: you know what? you have the sexiest voice in the entire world benji...especially when you moan
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: i love the way you say some things, and you sir, moaning... shit
explodingxxboy: i love listening to you talk benji
allxbustedxup: i love when you're laying really close to me so i can hear you right in my ear
explodingxxboy: me too
explodingxxboy: saturday night...when you were moaning my name and telling me how good you felt and stuff...god benji...knowing i was making you feel like that was incredible
allxbustedxup: you have no idea how amazing you made me feel this weekend
explodingxxboy: you promise you aren't just saying that? cause if i was horrible, you can tell me...
allxbustedxup: i swear joel
explodingxxboy: i like making you feel good
explodingxxboy: it makes me feel good
allxbustedxup: i know what you mean, listening to you when im doing something you is honestly the best part, just knowing that you're enjoying it
explodingxxboy: i sound retarded dude, haha
allxbustedxup: no you dont
allxbustedxup: you make the best noises
explodingxxboy: nuh uh
allxbustedxup: i promise!
allxbustedxup: so um.. how was you know..
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: what you did saturday morning
explodingxxboy: what do you mean...
allxbustedxup: well you were asking earlier last week, so i just wanted to know what you thought about it
explodingxxboy: ohh
explodingxxboy: i had absolutely NO idea what i was doing...
allxbustedxup: it really didnt come off that way
explodingxxboy: i find that hard to believe dude
allxbustedxup: i swear joel, you were really good
explodingxxboy: it wasn't...bad...it was really awkward, but i wasn't grossed out or anything knowing that it was you...
allxbustedxup: you know, if its not something you liked or wanted to do again all you have to do is just say so
explodingxxboy: i liked knowing that it was you and what i was doing and how it was making you feel good...i liked that
explodingxxboy: no, i do benji
explodingxxboy: i really want to...
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: i'd like to get better...
allxbustedxup: well you're already pretty damn good, but please feel free to practice whenever you need to
explodingxxboy: i plan on it ;-)
allxbustedxup: im glad you werent grossed out
explodingxxboy: i don't want this to come off the wrong way...but like, i thought i would've been more grossed out than i was...or maybe weirded out is a better word than grossed
allxbustedxup: yeah i know what you mean, the idea of it is usually worse then it really is
explodingxxboy: the one thing i didn't want to happen did, and i'm so pissed about that still...
allxbustedxup: are you talking about friday night?
explodingxxboy: yeah
explodingxxboy: i'm really sorry still...i didn't mean to freak like that. i don't want you to think i'm some spaz
allxbustedxup: babe really stop stressin' out about it, i had a first time at that too ya know and did even worse
explodingxxboy: but i dont' want you to think that it was you or something
allxbustedxup: at the time i was hoping it wasnt but i know that joel, it was your first time and you weren't bad at all, its a lot to take in- no pun intended
explodingxxboy: haha
explodingxxboy: or...pun intended ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha not really
explodingxxboy: yes really :-*
explodingxxboy: give yourself some more credit baby ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: i cant believe everything we've done
explodingxxboy: i know...
allxbustedxup: i just remember having a crush on you from the very first time we hung out i figured id never get a chance with you
explodingxxboy: i can't believe you had a crush on me after just meeting me like that
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: look at you!
explodingxxboy: oh psh
allxbustedxup: im serious your fucking gorgeous
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: you're crazy
allxbustedxup: i might be, but you're still fucking hot!
explodingxxboy: i think you're pretty fucking hot!
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: nope, we're talking about you
explodingxxboy: well i'm talking about YOU
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: is there anything but the obvious that we haven't done...?
allxbustedxup: haha, um...
allxbustedxup: there are a few
explodingxxboy: like what?
allxbustedxup: uh..
allxbustedxup: the name is really stupid
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: rim job..
explodingxxboy: ...what is it?
allxbustedxup: oh boy
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: um
allxbustedxup: its um, ok you know what happened saturday night...
explodingxxboy: yeah...
allxbustedxup: that but with like lets my tongue
explodingxxboy: um...what?
allxbustedxup: its basically someone, me in this case, using my tongue on you
explodingxxboy: like...THERE?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: have you ever done it before?
allxbustedxup: no
allxbustedxup: ive just had it done
explodingxxboy: you have?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: what's it like?
allxbustedxup: it feels nice
explodingxxboy: oh
allxbustedxup: does that creep you out?
explodingxxboy: it's...different, but no
explodingxxboy: so...when did you do it?
allxbustedxup: that guy i told you i dated for awhile, he was the one who did it, it was last year
explodingxxboy: oh
explodingxxboy: howcome you never did it?
allxbustedxup: most of the time i was high or drunk, and whenever it would come to me doing something to him id seem to sober up more and just couldnt cause i didnt have enough for feelings for him
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: whats wrong baby
explodingxxboy: i feel bad
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: because i was feeling jealous thinking about you doing things with other people...
explodingxxboy: i don't know why, it's stupid of me
allxbustedxup: you were jealous?
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i'm stupid
allxbustedxup: no you're not
explodingxxboy: i can't help it benji...
allxbustedxup: that night at the movies when you kissed maddy, i already told you this, but thats why i left
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: i didnt want to be an asshole, and thats how i get when im jealous
explodingxxboy: but i'm jealous of everyone else you've ever been with...i shouldn't get so stupid knowing you've done things with other people
allxbustedxup: im already pissed off at your ex for being bitch but im jealous of the things she got to do with you
explodingxxboy: you mean nothing?
allxbustedxup: the little bit you had done i was jealous of
explodingxxboy: i feel so possessive over you benji
allxbustedxup: god joel, you have no idea, when we used to go to eddy's parties and girls would look at you i wanted to just rush over grab your hand and yell "HE'S MINE, BACK OFF BITCHES!"
explodingxxboy: i never wanna share you with anyone else
allxbustedxup: i dont ever want to share you either
explodingxxboy: i'd never be able to kiss maddy if we did that plan and my parents wanted to see it
allxbustedxup: ...i hope not
explodingxxboy: it'd be too hard. i could never do it
allxbustedxup: if you would.. itd probably be best not to tell me
explodingxxboy: but i wouldn't do it
allxbustedxup: i hope not
explodingxxboy: i promise i wouldn't ever. i want you to know that benji.
allxbustedxup: i hope you know id never do anything with anyone else
explodingxxboy: i trust you benj
allxbustedxup: i trust you too
explodingxxboy: i'm glad
allxbustedxup: happy valentines day baby
explodingxxboy: happy valentines day ben :-)
allxbustedxup: :-P
explodingxxboy: you love it when i call you that, admit it
allxbustedxup: only you
explodingxxboy: and you'll love it even more when i'm moaning it...right? ;-)
allxbustedxup: of course!
explodingxxboy: :-*
allxbustedxup: i guess im gunna go to bed... alone... ugh
explodingxxboy: :-( me too
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: i love you too

67.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 06:10:17 GMT

allxbustedxup: hey bbaby
explodingxxboy: hey benji boo
allxbustedxup: how are you?
explodingxxboy: missing you like CRAZY
allxbustedxup: fuck. tell me about it
explodingxxboy: tomorrow will be so lonely :-(
allxbustedxup: i know :-(
allxbustedxup: but i had an amazing day
explodingxxboy: i had an amazing whole weekend benji
allxbustedxup: same here... im really sorry about last night. its been on my mind all day. i should've been more careful...
explodingxxboy: seriously benj, it's okay. it wasn't your fault babe
allxbustedxup: well, yeah it was. i wasnt really thinking
explodingxxboy: but i understand how easily that can happen benj
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to think thats all im after
explodingxxboy: i've never thought that. you know i don't think that about you
allxbustedxup: ...did i hurt you?
explodingxxboy: not at all...it just surprised me benji. nothing you know...went in or anything...
allxbustedxup: that's good, im so sorry about that joel
explodingxxboy: seriously benj, stop worrying your pretty little face over it. okay? i know it was just an accident
allxbustedxup: i know but i worry, cause i care about you and i dont want you to think the wrong thing or get hurt
explodingxxboy: you know i dont :-)
explodingxxboy: i trust you benj
allxbustedxup: i hope so
explodingxxboy: i trust you more than anything benj, you know that :-)
explodingxxboy: it wasn't a...BAD surprise...
allxbustedxup: ...really?
explodingxxboy: it shocked me, but i dunno, i realized things...so it wasn't bad...
explodingxxboy: yeah
allxbustedxup: realized things?
explodingxxboy: just...like...how everything happens and how you know, one of these days it'll happen between us...and i want that. like, whenever it happens for us...i know i want to be with you benji. i love you so much
allxbustedxup: :-[shit joel, you have no idea how much that means to me, i love you too
explodingxxboy: i don't want it to like, put pressure on us and whatever...but i just realized some things
allxbustedxup: what do you mean pressure?
explodingxxboy: like...knowing that one of these days we're going to be together like that....
allxbustedxup: is that something you want?
explodingxxboy: that's what i realized benji....i wanna be with you...
explodingxxboy: whenever the time comes
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: i love you too benji
allxbustedxup: you know, the hottest thing i have ever seen in my life was you in the shower this morning...
explodingxxboy: fuck benji, you have NO idea how hot YOU were this morning
allxbustedxup: trust me, you win kid, you, naked, wet, hard... shiiiit
explodingxxboy: looking down at you....that wins
allxbustedxup: hardly
explodingxxboy: TRUST ME.
allxbustedxup: dude! you all wet, your hair in your face, standing there... hard... fuck kid
explodingxxboy: benji! ...looking down...seeing you giving me a blow job...and then looking down even further and seeing you touch yourself...god benji, you have no fucking idea what that did to me. NO idea
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: it was like a hotness overload
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: you know that uh.. blow job you gave me yesterday morning
explodingxxboy: :-[ yeah...
allxbustedxup: hot!
explodingxxboy: i sucked so bad...no pun intended
allxbustedxup: no you didnt
explodingxxboy: are you kidding me? i know i did. it was probably so horrible
allxbustedxup: um did you hear me at all while you were doing it?
explodingxxboy: i figured you were just being nice...
allxbustedxup: it was all real babe
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: you were really good for your first time joel
explodingxxboy: second...
allxbustedxup: even the first try wasnt bad
explodingxxboy: it was so bad dude. what are you even saying? i couldn't even finish. i felt like such an ass
allxbustedxup: joel the thought of it is really what counts, thinking that you actually wanted to do that to me, that takes a lot cause you know thats something really personal, and you WANTED too that fucking made me feel so amazing joel
explodingxxboy: i wanted to so bad benji...i was so pissed i messed up...
allxbustedxup: baby honestly you didnt mess up, my first time trying to do that i gagged and choked, made a complete idiot out of myself
explodingxxboy: i meant what i said afterwards...
explodingxxboy: practice makes perfect, haha :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: well im telling you the truth joel, you're good at it
explodingxxboy: :-[ thanks
explodingxxboy: you're amazing
allxbustedxup: you sir are the hottest man ever
explodingxxboy: i beg to differ sir
allxbustedxup: your little outfit you had going on on friday...
allxbustedxup: you're like my own little billie joe but in the form of joel who's even hotter
explodingxxboy: are you sure i didn't look like an idiot, because i felt like i did
explodingxxboy: and seriously dude, i'm not hotter than billie joe
allxbustedxup: holy shit joel, you looked so fucking good
allxbustedxup: i think you are
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: you do?
allxbustedxup: honestly, yep
explodingxxboy: but i thought billie joe was like, your ultimate hot guy
allxbustedxup: he's hot, but you've got two things going for, well you've got a million actually but two that ive picked out for this situation, you're hot and can be really sexy, but then you've got this cute dorky innocent side that really only you can pull off
allxbustedxup: correction, since that first picture you sent me awhile (which i saved) you've been my ultimate hot guy
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: dorky innocent side doesn't sound very cool
allxbustedxup: its so fucking adorable
allxbustedxup: i just wanna squeeze you sometimes for being so damn cute
allxbustedxup: like when you blush
explodingxxboy: being cute is so girly though. do i want to be cute?
allxbustedxup: whether you want to be or not, you are, and i love it
allxbustedxup: sometimes you just say the cutest damn things and i dont wanna turn it all mushy so i just kinda take a mental note on it
explodingxxboy: :-[ like what?
allxbustedxup: well it seems like when you get nervous you ramble, i could be wrong, but its adorable
explodingxxboy: i'm such an idiot. that's not adorable dude
allxbustedxup: yes it is, it makes my heart twist its so cute
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i guess i should get to bed now...wake up and have my lonely valentines day :( i had the BEST weekend though benji, so i'm happy :)
allxbustedxup: i guess i should too. i did too baby thanks for everything. it was amazing
explodingxxboy: you're more than welcome benji. thank you for the necklace!!! it's beautiful. i love it. ...and the tape...i won't say anything cause i don't want to embarrass you or anything...but it's incredible. i love it. you're so talented
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :) goodnight benji. i love you so much
allxbustedxup: goodnight baby. i love you too

66.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 07:20:34 GMT

allxbustedxup: hey porn star
explodingxxboy: porn star, eh?
allxbustedxup: when did you get into the phone sex business?
explodingxxboy: :-[ shut up
allxbustedxup: you were all breathless... that was hot
explodingxxboy: damn you and your timing
allxbustedxup: really? i like my timing
allxbustedxup: did you just finish?
explodingxxboy: wasn't it obvious?
allxbustedxup: thats so hot
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: it's so embarrassing
allxbustedxup: dude you have NO idea how hot you are!
explodingxxboy: yeah i do, and it's not very
allxbustedxup: pffffft! bullshit! you're so fucking hot!!!
explodingxxboy: :-[ dude, i am not, haha
allxbustedxup: yeah you are!
explodingxxboy: i think since you already caught me, i should get a little benji self love action...
explodingxxboy: O:-)
allxbustedxup: haha... what do you mean?
explodingxxboy: oh, i don't know.....what are you willing to give me?
allxbustedxup: i want to give YOU a lot of things...
explodingxxboy: oh???
allxbustedxup: what do you want
allxbustedxup: ?
explodingxxboy: that question has too many answers...
explodingxxboy: i asked you first. what are you willing to give me?
allxbustedxup: give me a couple
explodingxxboy: you tell me first!
allxbustedxup: dude, id give you anything :-)
explodingxxboy: aw dude
allxbustedxup: sooooo you tell me
explodingxxboy: i'd give you anything too :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: :-*
explodingxxboy: what do you want?
allxbustedxup: i asked you first
explodingxxboy: hmm...well i was saying that since you caught me, it's only fair if i get to witness some benji self love O:-) cause i think that's sexy
allxbustedxup: and did you want to see it or hear it?
explodingxxboy: maybe both....
allxbustedxup: ok
explodingxxboy: ...that isn't weird?
allxbustedxup: not too weird
explodingxxboy: so it's kind of weird then
allxbustedxup: not really
allxbustedxup: cause its only fair... i mean id love to see you...
explodingxxboy: if you want...
allxbustedxup: really??
explodingxxboy: yeah
explodingxxboy: maybe this weekend we could...do stuff...or something....
allxbustedxup: like...?
explodingxxboy: it'll be the longest school day of my life
allxbustedxup: no kidding
explodingxxboy: like...whatever you want to do...
explodingxxboy: is there anything you want to do...?
allxbustedxup: lots ;-)
explodingxxboy: tell me benji
allxbustedxup: haha i dont know
explodingxxboy: :-P you're suppose to tell me sexy things you want to do with me
explodingxxboy: you can't think of any?
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: i wanna make out with you
allxbustedxup: touch you...
allxbustedxup: see you naked, cause thats the best thing in the world
explodingxxboy: i'm liking that so far...
explodingxxboy: i want to do all of the same things to you
allxbustedxup: possibly lick you
explodingxxboy: lick me?
allxbustedxup: yep
allxbustedxup: alllllllllllllllll over
explodingxxboy: lick me where?
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: oooh...
allxbustedxup: actually what i really want to do.. is go down on you again
explodingxxboy: :-[ you do?
allxbustedxup: yep
allxbustedxup: is that weird?
explodingxxboy: no...i'm just surprised you actually want to...i was scared i was nasty or something
allxbustedxup: not at all
explodingxxboy: i kind of just figured i was after my ex...
allxbustedxup: why?
allxbustedxup: your ex was a stupid bitch
explodingxxboy: she said it was gross...so i just figured
allxbustedxup: it was so far from gross... i dont care if that makes me sound weird
allxbustedxup: ...i wouldn't have swallowed
explodingxxboy: i think about that and just, wow....
explodingxxboy: ...what's it like?
allxbustedxup: whats what like?
allxbustedxup: doing it... or swallowing it?
explodingxxboy: um....both...
allxbustedxup: well doing it... it really doesnt taste like anything until the precum starts
allxbustedxup: then its just kinda salty. its not the most amazing taste in the world, but its not the worst either. that was my first time swallowing...
explodingxxboy: :-[ it wasn't horrible?
allxbustedxup: not at all
explodingxxboy: you were really good benji...
explodingxxboy: by really good, i mean incredible...
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: what can i say im a slut
explodingxxboy: what, no you aren't benji
explodingxxboy: that's not what i meant :-(
allxbustedxup: i was playin' baby
explodingxxboy: oh, okay...good
allxbustedxup: :-*
explodingxxboy: you're hot
explodingxxboy: i have a surprise for you tomorrow night :-)
allxbustedxup: ooh what is it??
explodingxxboy: i can't tell you, that's what it's called a SURPRISE :-P
allxbustedxup: pwease :-(
explodingxxboy: you'll just have to wait and see :-D
explodingxxboy: i hope it'll be okay
allxbustedxup: can i have a hint??
explodingxxboy: nope nope
explodingxxboy: you'll just have to wait and see baby :-)
allxbustedxup: :-P you suck
explodingxxboy: O:-)
explodingxxboy: oh...so, i'm going to talk to my uncle and see if there's anything at all he can do to get me out of the house monday so we can spend valentines day together, because i want to be with you more than ANYTHING benji
allxbustedxup: god that would be amazing
allxbustedxup: do you think theres anything he can do?
explodingxxboy: i'm not sure. i know my parents will be suspicious because it's valentines day, and they'll probably think i'm going to see you...
explodingxxboy: i really hope he can think of a good way to convince my parents
allxbustedxup: if he cant... do you want to celebrate it on sunday?
explodingxxboy: yeah. that would be nice
allxbustedxup: we could just do that like every year then...
allxbustedxup: it could be our thing
explodingxxboy: valentines the day before, haha. sure :-)
explodingxxboy: i like having things with you benji
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: i just love you
explodingxxboy: i just love you too :-)
allxbustedxup: do you think you'll be able to get away for your birthday
explodingxxboy: hopefully this will blow over before then. i want to be with you on your birthday so badly!
allxbustedxup: well ive been kinda thinking about stuff lately for yours
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: what kinda stuff?
allxbustedxup: i cant tell you that silly
explodingxxboy: :-P
explodingxxboy: it was worth a shot
explodingxxboy: i can't wait for this weekend benji
allxbustedxup: im living for it
explodingxxboy: i want to spend the whole weekend with you in bed...just BEING with you
allxbustedxup: i never thought i could NEED someone like this
explodingxxboy: me either benj
explodingxxboy: look at the impact you've had on my life
allxbustedxup: look at the impact you've had on MINE
explodingxxboy: it can't compare to what you've done to mine
explodingxxboy: i love you benji :-) and i love saying that
allxbustedxup: i think it can joel, you have no idea HOW bad off i was before i met you
allxbustedxup: i love you too joel, i really fucking do
explodingxxboy: my stomach flips everytime you say that :-)
allxbustedxup: i know how that feels trust me
allxbustedxup: when i saw you standing there the other day at work... shit joel
explodingxxboy: when i saw you playing with the kid...you have NO idea what that did to me benji. i fell even more in love with you after that day, seeing you with that kid
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: you were so amazing with him
allxbustedxup: you were so cute with him joel, asking him how old he was and what his favorite cartoon was..
explodingxxboy: dude, when he got that "boo boo" on his knee...and you kissed it...gah, i just wanted to aww out loud. that was the cutest thing i've ever seen
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: your adorable, dude
allxbustedxup: i think that you are
explodingxxboy: well i think YOU are
allxbustedxup: god joel, i want you here
explodingxxboy: i want to be there too :-(
explodingxxboy: only like...15 more hours or something like that...
allxbustedxup: ugh
allxbustedxup: you cant just answer the phone like that, then have a sappy conversation with me AND make me wait 15 hours
explodingxxboy: :-( i'm sorry benji. i want to see you so bad
allxbustedxup: i your nanny there?
allxbustedxup: is*
explodingxxboy: yep
allxbustedxup: bitch
explodingxxboy: how fucking pathetic is this? i have a fucking NANNY. this is rediculous
allxbustedxup: i just wanna kiss you
explodingxxboy: me too :-(
allxbustedxup: i wanna spend all 24 hours of saturday touching you
explodingxxboy: be my guest :-)
allxbustedxup: can we just stay in and stay in bed all weekend?
explodingxxboy: i'd love that
allxbustedxup: good
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: cause i just wanna be with you i dont care about going out to dinner or shopping or any of that shit, its all nice but i need you more then i need any of that
explodingxxboy: i agree completely
allxbustedxup: can we be naked all weekend?
explodingxxboy: as long as we stay in the basement ;-)
allxbustedxup: well can you be?
explodingxxboy: only if you are too
allxbustedxup: i just wanna lay around touching you all weekend
explodingxxboy: and kissing :-) i love kissing you
allxbustedxup: you've got the best lips
allxbustedxup: their the most adorable sexy pair of lips ive honestly ever kissed
explodingxxboy: so do you. i love your lipring too. it's fun
allxbustedxup: O:-)
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: i think i might get my lip pierced again
explodingxxboy: really?
explodingxxboy: like where, on the side?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: that'd be really sexy
allxbustedxup: yeah im kinda thinking on both sides
explodingxxboy: that would be REALLY sexy benji
allxbustedxup: so you'd like it?
explodingxxboy: mmhmm
explodingxxboy: i still love your lips just the way they are though :-)
explodingxxboy: i want to still be able to feel your lips and stuff...the piercings wont get too in the way, will they?
allxbustedxup: im gunna put studs on the sides
explodingxxboy: that would look really cool
allxbustedxup: we wont be able to kiss for awhile... :-(
explodingxxboy: oh no :-(
explodingxxboy: well...maybe not make out...but i could still kiss you if i was really careful, right??
allxbustedxup: well thats what they say, but after about about a couple of days it shouldn't hurt anymore and then i wont care
explodingxxboy: i'd make sure to be very gentle :-)
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: on tuesday im finally gunna start my new tat
explodingxxboy: ooh. what of?
explodingxxboy: i still need to start my leg tat
allxbustedxup: the last supper
explodingxxboy: oh yeah, i remember you talking about that
explodingxxboy: that'll look so good benji
allxbustedxup: lets hope
explodingxxboy: is eddy doing it for you?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: can i come and watch?
explodingxxboy: hold your hand for you ;-)
allxbustedxup: of course :-)
explodingxxboy: i should start my leg stuff soon
allxbustedxup: fuck now THATS gunna be hot
explodingxxboy: you think so?
allxbustedxup: fuck yeah
allxbustedxup: you with tats... GAH
explodingxxboy: you don't think i'll look weird if i get more?
allxbustedxup: you'd look so fuckin' hot!
explodingxxboy: sleeves would look so fucking hot on you benji
explodingxxboy: you're one of those people that just look like sex even more with a bunch of tats
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: you already are hot dude, but full sleves would look awesome on you
allxbustedxup: well thats what i want, not cause i think it would make me look "hot"
explodingxxboy: well it will dude
allxbustedxup: ...i guess im gunna head to bed so i can see you sooner
explodingxxboy: yeah, me too
allxbustedxup: hey jermy...
explodingxxboy: :-P yes?
allxbustedxup: will you call me?
explodingxxboy: of course benji boo :-)
allxbustedxup: haha benji boo?
explodingxxboy: yep, that's your new nickname :-D
allxbustedxup: oooh!
explodingxxboy: cause you're my boo
allxbustedxup: will you call me in your sexy phone sex voice?
explodingxxboy: haha...yes
allxbustedxup: for real???
explodingxxboy: only for you my boo
allxbustedxup: aw thank you jerm
allxbustedxup: ill talk to you in a few.
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: alrighty
explodingxxboy: i love you too
allxbustedxup signed off at 1:12:05 AM.

65.

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 06:21:54 GMT

allxbustedxup: did you get in trouble, god please say you didnt
explodingxxboy: nope :-)
allxbustedxup: fuck, you're the best boyfriend ever!
explodingxxboy: why's that?
allxbustedxup: because you risked a lot to come see me
explodingxxboy: i love you benji, you're worth it :-)
explodingxxboy: and dude, you are the cutest fucking thing ever
allxbustedxup: haha, no
explodingxxboy: no dude, you are. you with that kid was just, so freaking adorable
explodingxxboy: you're so great with kids benji
allxbustedxup: nah
explodingxxboy: you really are. that kid loved you!
allxbustedxup: before you, jordan was my best friend haha
explodingxxboy: he's a cute kid
allxbustedxup: he's the coolest
explodingxxboy: you were so awesome with him benji, i can't get over it
allxbustedxup: dude, i wasnt
explodingxxboy: yes you were! you were SO cute dude
allxbustedxup: i dont get where you get that
explodingxxboy: you called him "little dude" and just how you were with him. when he fell and then you were taking care of him, it was really sweet benji. he was crazy about you
allxbustedxup: he's the coolest kid
explodingxxboy: you're going to be an awesome dad benji
allxbustedxup: Mike told me when their at home and he says something about me jordan calls me "benjiDude"
explodingxxboy: that is the cutest thing ever!
allxbustedxup: i know man, i want to keep him
allxbustedxup: its crazy as fuck, but i want a kid so bad
explodingxxboy: you're going to be a great dad benj
allxbustedxup: ...i wont get to be
explodingxxboy: there are ways to work around that
allxbustedxup: for my birthday i want a kid haha
explodingxxboy: i'll see what i can do man, haha
allxbustedxup: will you get me one joel will ya please????
explodingxxboy: you'll just have to wait and see now won't you
allxbustedxup: haha if you get me a kid ill be scared
explodingxxboy: haha dont worry dude
allxbustedxup: you know... i still want you to be my valentine
explodingxxboy: i still am your valentine
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: :-* you better still be mine
allxbustedxup: like you even have to ask
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: im putty in your hands
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: im telling the truth you have NO idea how much control you have over me
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: because you could completely crush me
explodingxxboy: but i'm never gonna benji
allxbustedxup: i dont think you purposely would, but im just telling you that you have the power to do that
explodingxxboy: you do too
explodingxxboy: you have become everything to me benji, and i know i'd never be able to handle that being taken away from me
allxbustedxup: ive said it before joel but you're the only family i've got, the only family ive ever had
explodingxxboy: same here
explodingxxboy: i still have your notebook benji. i didn't let him take it away from me. i just wanted to let you know i still have it
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: it means a lot to me
allxbustedxup: you know i didnt want to say it but ive kinda wrote a song on my guitar
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yep
explodingxxboy: would you ever play it for me?
allxbustedxup: ...i dont know
explodingxxboy: please?
allxbustedxup: maybe
explodingxxboy: :-(
explodingxxboy: pretty please?
allxbustedxup: i dont know, im not good at that stuff, ive got a shitty voice
explodingxxboy: you wrote words too??
allxbustedxup: yeah:-[
explodingxxboy: i'd really love to hear it benj. you dont' ever have to be embarrassed in front of me
explodingxxboy: please?
allxbustedxup: maybe...
explodingxxboy: alright, i wont push you
allxbustedxup: i just get nervous with that stuff
explodingxxboy: i understand. you don't have to if you don't want to benji. but you shouldn't be nervous, i'd never make fun of you or anything. i'd love to hear what you've written.
allxbustedxup: i know, its not about your reaction, its about me never doing anything like that in front of someone
explodingxxboy: you don't have to if you aren't comfortable. i understand
explodingxxboy: i'm glad you like your guitar benj :-)
explodingxxboy: maybe you could just play me something someday? you don't have to sing
allxbustedxup: someday i want to show you the song
explodingxxboy: whenever you're ready benj, i'd like that :-)
allxbustedxup: can i call you...
explodingxxboy: you don't even need to ask me, of course
allxbustedxup: good, i like hearing your voice before i go to bed
explodingxxboy: i love it
explodingxxboy: and i love you, i'll talk to you in a minute then
allxbustedxup: i love you too :-)
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:18:11 AM.

64.

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 06:35:44 GMT

explodingxxboy: hey hot stuff
allxbustedxup: hey baby
explodingxxboy: how are you?
allxbustedxup: id be great if you were here
allxbustedxup: how about you?
explodingxxboy: me too :-(
explodingxxboy: 1 day down...4 more to go...
allxbustedxup: sigh
explodingxxboy: i second that
allxbustedxup: guess what im an idiot
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: actually im a "sick little bastard"
explodingxxboy: no you aren't...who said that?
allxbustedxup: my dad
explodingxxboy: i should've guessed...why did he say that to you??
allxbustedxup: he walked in on me......
explodingxxboy: on you....what?
allxbustedxup: um.. you know...
explodingxxboy: ohhhh
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry, that's always embarrassing...
allxbustedxup: yep... pretty much
explodingxxboy: that would be the last straw if my dad caught me....thank god for locks
allxbustedxup: my dad just walked out calling me a sick little bastard
explodingxxboy: :-( i'm sorry benj. you aren't a sick little bastard
allxbustedxup: i didnt even let it bother me, im a guy its gunna happen, hes an ungly fuck so theres NO way he gets anything OTHER then that
explodingxxboy: no shit
allxbustedxup: see i have a hot boy friend who helps out :-)
explodingxxboy: no way! same here :-)
explodingxxboy: so when did this happen?
allxbustedxup: after school
explodingxxboy: what got you so worked up??
allxbustedxup: you:-[
explodingxxboy: :-[ how did i?
allxbustedxup: i was thinking about this weekend and you...
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yep
explodingxxboy: wow :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: same thing happened to me last night...
allxbustedxup: nuh uh
explodingxxboy: yeah huh
allxbustedxup: tell me about it....
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah..
explodingxxboy: okay...
explodingxxboy: umm, i was laying in bed after we were done talking...and i couldn't sleep and i was thinking back to the weekend and how amazing it was and how good it felt to see you and be with you...and i started thinking about friday and saturday night, and what we did...
explodingxxboy: ...how good it felt when you were...you know...it was amazing benji
explodingxxboy: and saturday night, when you were behind me...having you so close to me, and feeling you like that...touching me and rubbing against me, it felt so good benj...and how you were kissing my neck and whispering those things to me, it was incredible...
explodingxxboy: and...i started getting turned on...and yeah... :-[
allxbustedxup: and...
explodingxxboy: you know...
allxbustedxup: ...tell me...
explodingxxboy: i jerked off... :-[
explodingxxboy: and yeah, now that i'm thoroughly embarrassed...
explodingxxboy: haha
allxbustedxup: i know that geek :-P but tell me how
explodingxxboy: how?
allxbustedxup: nevermind
explodingxxboy: no tell me, i'm stupid :-(
allxbustedxup: you're not stupi
allxbustedxup: stupid*
explodingxxboy: what did you mean?
allxbustedxup: i was just being a pervert
explodingxxboy: no you weren't. sorry :-( i ruined the mood. tell me what you meant...
allxbustedxup: i just wanted you to describe it
explodingxxboy: ohhh
explodingxxboy: i pretended it was your hand...and i tried to do everything exactly like you did saturday night to me...
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: what about you?
allxbustedxup: well before my dad so rudely walked in, i was thinking about what you did to me on friday night
explodingxxboy: tell me more
allxbustedxup: actually i was picturing your lips
explodingxxboy: my lips?
allxbustedxup: ...yeah
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: i was picturing your lips on me...
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: you've got really nice lips
explodingxxboy: so do you...i love your lipring
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: it feels incredible
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: tell me more benji
allxbustedxup: about what?
explodingxxboy: about what you were doing...
allxbustedxup: i was day dreaming all day in school about you
explodingxxboy: so was i
allxbustedxup: i came home and you mr. got me pretty fucking worked up
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: so while i was laying on my bed just being lazy i started getting even more worked up thinking about this weekend... so i just kinda took myself out and went for it and not even two minutes into it my door busted open
explodingxxboy: shit, that really sucks
allxbustedxup: seeing someone like MY dad, really kills the mood
explodingxxboy: seeing anyone in your family definitely does
allxbustedxup: maybe ill try again later
explodingxxboy: maybe you could now...
allxbustedxup: ...what do you mean?
explodingxxboy: you could try again now...
allxbustedxup: like RIGHT now?
explodingxxboy: sure...
allxbustedxup: would you?
explodingxxboy: if you wanted me to..
allxbustedxup: ..i do..
explodingxxboy: okay
allxbustedxup: for real?
explodingxxboy: yeah
allxbustedxup: what if i called you...
explodingxxboy: okay..
allxbustedxup: would that be weird
explodingxxboy: maybe a little but in a very hot way...
allxbustedxup: you dont have to tell me werid shit like what you'd do to me... just tell me what you're doing
allxbustedxup: or just let me hear you moan and stuff...:-[
explodingxxboy: same for you
allxbustedxup: does this make us creepy?
explodingxxboy: do you think it does?
allxbustedxup: not if you dont
explodingxxboy: then it doesn't
allxbustedxup: i wish i could touch you...
explodingxxboy: me too benji
allxbustedxup: um, you know that... hand job you gave me on friday night... it's probably the best one ive ever gotten
explodingxxboy: ...really?
allxbustedxup: i swear
explodingxxboy: you must've gotten some really shitty handjobs in the past then
allxbustedxup: oh hush, you're just good at it
explodingxxboy: i find it really hard to believe...but thanks :-[
explodingxxboy: everything you've ever done to me has been incredible benj
allxbustedxup: its true babe
allxbustedxup: you're just an all around sexy guy
explodingxxboy: so are you dude
allxbustedxup: nope, i said it about you first i win!
explodingxxboy: psh, you do not
allxbustedxup: ...im gunna call you now...
explodingxxboy: i think you're really sexy, the end
explodingxxboy: ...okay
allxbustedxup: you know we dont HAVE to talk about... that
allxbustedxup: i just really wanna hear your voice
allxbustedxup: i miss it
explodingxxboy: me too
explodingxxboy: i miss everything about you
allxbustedxup: i miss hearing you say my name, i love the way you say it
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: i love the way you pronouce it
explodingxxboy: :-[ i didn't know i pronounced it differently
allxbustedxup: you make it sound like "Bingi"
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: actually its usually "binj"
explodingxxboy: i must sound like an idiot, haha
allxbustedxup: not at all, i love it
allxbustedxup: binji*
explodingxxboy: well if you love it :-)
allxbustedxup: i do
allxbustedxup: i love you too
explodingxxboy: i love you!
allxbustedxup: im gunna call you... no pressure though
explodingxxboy: whatever happens, happens ;-)
allxbustedxup: right :-)
allxbustedxup: talk to you in a minute babe
explodingxxboy: okay benj
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:35:02 AM.

63.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 06:47:55 GMT

allxbustedxup: SING LIKE YOU THINK NO ONES LISTENING!
explodingxxboy: first day of the rest of our lives, i miss you already!
allxbustedxup: i feel like makin' love
explodingxxboy: oh really??
allxbustedxup: of course :-)
explodingxxboy: everything sucks when you're gone
allxbustedxup: quit your life and stay with me
allxbustedxup: you seem to be the only one to make me feel alright
allxbustedxup: i feel good, when i know your coming down
explodingxxboy: you're in my heart and on my mind
allxbustedxup: i feel good when i know you'll be around
allxbustedxup: so quit your life and stay with me we'll order in and watch tv (stand-up)
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: :-*
explodingxxboy: :-*:-*
allxbustedxup: you know what
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: i love your uncle
explodingxxboy: me too dude
allxbustedxup: that was the BEST surprise
explodingxxboy: i know!
allxbustedxup: and FUCK i love holding you
explodingxxboy: i love when you hold me too benj :-)
allxbustedxup: i had the best weekend joel
allxbustedxup: i love you, and i love that i finally got to tell you that
explodingxxboy: so did i
explodingxxboy: i know benji, that was the most amazing thing in the world
allxbustedxup: and you're beautiful
explodingxxboy: :-[ i think you're beautiful
allxbustedxup: whats next joel? when do i get to see you next?
allxbustedxup: did he talk to your parents yet?
explodingxxboy: i thought he said that we were going to do this again next weekend...until he can figure out a good way to handle the situation and talk to my parents
allxbustedxup: so ill get to see you this weekend?
explodingxxboy: if everything goes right, i hope!
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: i hate that it feels like what we're doing is wrong benji...this isn't wrong! we aren't doing anything wrong. they shouldn't make me feel guilty for being in love with you
allxbustedxup: i know joel, i hate sneaking around, i hate that i cant just drive up there any day of the week and kiss you like i could before
explodingxxboy: i know :-(
allxbustedxup: ive never felt this way about someone before and now i cant be with them when i want to be
explodingxxboy: i know benj, it's awful
allxbustedxup: i hate sunday nights
explodingxxboy: me too dude
allxbustedxup: did you have a ...nice time?
explodingxxboy: i had an amazing time benji :-)
allxbustedxup: was everything... ok
explodingxxboy: everything was incredible
allxbustedxup: i hope so
explodingxxboy: was it for you?
allxbustedxup: it was perfect
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yes!
allxbustedxup: the worst part was having to let you go the afternoon
explodingxxboy: i know :-(
allxbustedxup: this*
allxbustedxup: did parents find out or anything?
explodingxxboy: i don't think so
allxbustedxup: your uncle is heaven sent
allxbustedxup: thats where you get it from joel
explodingxxboy: he married into the family...
allxbustedxup: well then you were an amazing freak accident, i dont mean that sound bad...
explodingxxboy: nah, i know
explodingxxboy: so were you benj
allxbustedxup: scratch the amazing, and you're right
explodingxxboy: nope
explodingxxboy: you are amazing, and i'm always right ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: no you're gorgeous
explodingxxboy: nuh uh
allxbustedxup: oh trust me bud, im right on that one
explodingxxboy: psh, whatever you wanna think dude
allxbustedxup: and seeing you like i did this weekend... fuck, wow
explodingxxboy: :-[ i second that
allxbustedxup: you know what i cant get over...
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: explodingxxboy: i'm in love with a boy and i guess they just can't have that, even if it's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and will ever happen to me in my life
allxbustedxup: that^
explodingxxboy: it's true benj
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: i saved it like an idiot cause no one has ever said that before
explodingxxboy: i love you benji :-)
allxbustedxup: i love you too joel
explodingxxboy: i love when you say that
allxbustedxup: i love saying it
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: i keep thinking about 'what if we never met' my life would be so horrible right now joel
explodingxxboy: god, i don't even like to think about that
allxbustedxup: or what if you never wanted me like the way i wanted you
allxbustedxup: that always hurt, hanging out with you, or watching you that time you made out with maddy
explodingxxboy: :-(
explodingxxboy: i hate that i hurt you
allxbustedxup: you didnt do it on purpose joel, thats not what i meant, i didnt want to make you feel bad.
explodingxxboy: i know, but i still don't like the thought of you hurt
explodingxxboy: back then...i knew i was feeling something different for you, i just didn't know what yet
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:12:39 AM.
allxbustedxup signed on at 12:14:23 AM.
allxbustedxup: i was so scared if you found out that i liked you you'd never talk to me again
explodingxxboy: that would've NEVER happened benji
allxbustedxup: i didnt know, cause i had no idea that you would've ever felt something for me. so i figured the thought of a guy liking you would've disgusted you, like it would millions of other guys
explodingxxboy: did i come off like that kinda guy?
allxbustedxup: no, but you never really know
explodingxxboy: well you don't have to worry anymore benj
allxbustedxup: i guess im going to go to bed all alone again
explodingxxboy: :-( me too
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: i love you too benji
explodingxxboy: goodnight
allxbustedxup: ill talk to you tomorrow
allxbustedxup: goodnight
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:45:37 AM.

62.

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 05:55:16 GMT

allxbustedxup: hey baby
explodingxxboy: hey benj
allxbustedxup: how are you?
explodingxxboy: take a guess
allxbustedxup: ...same here
explodingxxboy: i'm sitting here watching stand up. alone.
explodingxxboy: missing you
allxbustedxup: ...me too :-(
explodingxxboy: my uncle is coming over...
allxbustedxup: really??
allxbustedxup: is he gunna talk to your parents?
explodingxxboy: he said he wanted to talk about everything...he wants me to spend the weekend with him or something. i guess
explodingxxboy: they aren't home
allxbustedxup: oh..
explodingxxboy: yeah..
allxbustedxup: so i wont get to talk to you?
explodingxxboy: he has a computer and stuff...and i can call you...
explodingxxboy: there's now way i'm going tonight without talking to you baby
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: i'm glad i get to talk to him...it could really help us benj...he wants to help
allxbustedxup: god joel i hope it works, i really does, tell him i said thanks
explodingxxboy: i will benj. i really hope it works too
explodingxxboy: i called him earlier and i talked to him on the phone for about an hour and i was just bawling and trying to explain what happened and he was just like, "back your stuff joel. you're spending the weekend here and we're going to work something out"
allxbustedxup: aw man he sounds like such a great guy
explodingxxboy: he is. i love my uncle dude
explodingxxboy: you know who else i love?
allxbustedxup: who?
allxbustedxup: morrissey
explodingxxboy: YOU silly :-P
explodingxxboy: and morrissey
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: i love you so much joel, i wanna tell you that in person so fucking bad!
explodingxxboy: me too benji, me too
explodingxxboy: i can't wait until i can
allxbustedxup: me either
allxbustedxup: this sucks joel
explodingxxboy: i know benji
allxbustedxup: its friday! its fucking friday and we're not together!
explodingxxboy: :'(
explodingxxboy: this weekend is going to be so lonely without you
allxbustedxup: you're telling me
allxbustedxup: you'll have a nice time with your uncle
explodingxxboy: not without you benji
allxbustedxup: this sucks joel you're suppose to be here
explodingxxboy: i know :'(
explodingxxboy: your arms are supposed to be around me right now...
allxbustedxup: :-(
explodingxxboy: hugging my pillow just isn't the same benj...
allxbustedxup: they would be, shit joel i wouldnt let go of you right now
allxbustedxup: trust me i know joel
explodingxxboy: :'(
explodingxxboy: i spent all day listening to cheesy love songs and thinking about you, and crying some more...like usual
explodingxxboy: every song i heard today benji, it reminded me of you...every single one made me think of you
allxbustedxup: i laid in bed all day
allxbustedxup: thinking about you
explodingxxboy: can i call you again before i fall asleep?
allxbustedxup: of course you can call me
explodingxxboy: :-) okay
explodingxxboy: my uncle is here...i have to go...but i'll call you as soon as i get there because i need to hear your voice so bad
allxbustedxup: alright, be safe baby
explodingxxboy: you too benji
explodingxxboy: i love you
allxbustedxup: i love you too

61.

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 08:17:25 GMT

allxbustedxup: did you talk to your uncle? or your parents, did you figure anything out?
explodingxxboy: i couldn't get ahold of him...
allxbustedxup: :'(
explodingxxboy: my aunt said he's out on business...he'll be back home tomorrow. i told her i REALLY needed to talk to him. she told me she'd give him the message
allxbustedxup: did you talk to your parents
explodingxxboy: as of now it's "not up for discussion"
allxbustedxup: im gunna see you for awhile, am i?
explodingxxboy: i really dont know benji...
explodingxxboy: i tried benj, i tried so hard today
explodingxxboy: i'm going to try every day, i promise
allxbustedxup: i should've known this would happen
explodingxxboy: no, i should've known benji. i shouldn't have kept that journal somewhere so easy to find. i should've hid it after he found the first one
allxbustedxup: what the fuck joel... i cant do this i need to see you
explodingxxboy: i know, i need to see you too
allxbustedxup: tell them we're in love!
explodingxxboy: that wouldn't make a difference benji
explodingxxboy: if anything i bet it would make it worse
allxbustedxup: so im just suppose to sit here heart broken because i cant ever see the first goddamn person i love!
explodingxxboy: :'( i'm sorry benji. it's all my fault
allxbustedxup: no its not, its mine for thinking that something might actually go right
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry
allxbustedxup: i think im gunna go to new york this weekend
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: because theres nothing here for me
explodingxxboy: you're going perminantly?
allxbustedxup: if i can work something out
explodingxxboy: don't leave me benji! please :'(
allxbustedxup: theres nothing here for me
explodingxxboy: ...me
allxbustedxup: we cant see each other, and if we sneak you could get caught and then you're parents are just going to hurt you by putting you on meds that will kill you and thats not fair to you
explodingxxboy: you can't just drop out of school benji
allxbustedxup: like it matters
explodingxxboy: yes it does!
allxbustedxup: no it doesnt, i cant afford college so what difference does it fucking make?
explodingxxboy: benji please don't
explodingxxboy: for me benji, don't do it
allxbustedxup: i cant
explodingxxboy: :-(
explodingxxboy: please dont leave...
allxbustedxup: maybe you should find yourself a nice girl
explodingxxboy: no benji...please don't do this...
allxbustedxup: maybe your parents wont be so hard on you
explodingxxboy: are you breaking up with me?
allxbustedxup: how are we suppose to be together?
explodingxxboy: i'm gonna find a way benji, please don't leave me
allxbustedxup: if i cant have you i cant be here
explodingxxboy: i'm going to find a way!
explodingxxboy: please don't do this...you said you'd be here for me...
allxbustedxup: there never going to allow you to see me. they dont like me
explodingxxboy: they don't know you!
allxbustedxup: the first time they met me your dad called me a fag joel
explodingxxboy: they don't know you
allxbustedxup: in my life you slipped under the radar, something like you was never suppose to happen to me, and someone realized that you made it in and their taking care of it now
explodingxxboy: don't say that benji...
allxbustedxup: its the truth, apparently im never suppose to be happy
explodingxxboy: if that's how you're thinking of it then, i'm never supposed to be either
allxbustedxup: i thought maybe it was my fucking turn when this stuff between us started up.
explodingxxboy: how do you think i felt? and feel...
allxbustedxup: i love you, its as simple as that and i really dont think i can do this if i cant have you around
explodingxxboy: i can't do this either benji...how do you think i'll do if you go to new york? please don't leave me...
allxbustedxup: :'(
explodingxxboy: don't leave me :'(
explodingxxboy: please...
allxbustedxup: then everyday is going to be like today
explodingxxboy: what do you mean?
allxbustedxup: im not going to leave
explodingxxboy: no matter what it takes benji...we're going to be together...
allxbustedxup: i need you so fucking bad joel
explodingxxboy: :'( i need you too
explodingxxboy: promise me you wont leave...
explodingxxboy: i can't handle that
allxbustedxup: i promise
explodingxxboy: you mean it?
allxbustedxup: yes
explodingxxboy: i'll figure something out benji...
allxbustedxup: i cant not see you joel
explodingxxboy: i need to see you too...i'll figure something out. i promise
explodingxxboy: i have to
explodingxxboy: don't give up on me, on us. promise me you wont...
allxbustedxup: id never give up on you joel
explodingxxboy: thinking about is the only thing stopping me right now from doing anything stupid...
explodingxxboy: knowing that you love me...
allxbustedxup: i love you so much joel
explodingxxboy: i love you too benji
explodingxxboy: more than anything
allxbustedxup: fuck i want to hold you so bad right now

explodingxxboy: :'( me too
allxbustedxup: i want you joel
explodingxxboy: i want you too
allxbustedxup: i could never leave you, im just going crazy
explodingxxboy: :-( me too benji
allxbustedxup: i guess im gunna go...
explodingxxboy: ok...
explodingxxboy: um
allxbustedxup: ?
explodingxxboy: can i call you? i just need to hear your voice...
allxbustedxup: of course
explodingxxboy: i wanna tell you that i love you and just say it to you, even if you can't see me...you can hear me..
allxbustedxup: i want that
explodingxxboy: i'll call you in a few minutes then
allxbustedxup: alright
allxbustedxup: i love you
explodingxxboy: i love you too benji
allxbustedxup signed off at 2:08:04 AM.

60.

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 08:47:01 GMT

allxbustedxup: hey baby
explodingxxboy: hi
allxbustedxup: you really are the best nurse ever
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: so what's up?
explodingxxboy: i need to talk to you
allxbustedxup: ...ok
explodingxxboy: my dad found my notebook
allxbustedxup: i know you told me
explodingxxboy: the notebook you gave me
allxbustedxup: ...
allxbustedxup: the one you had that stuff written in...
explodingxxboy: he knows benji
allxbustedxup: what
allxbustedxup: is everything ok...
explodingxxboy: no benji. nothing is ok
explodingxxboy: i'm not allowed to see you anymore
allxbustedxup: what happened, what's wrong?
allxbustedxup: what...
explodingxxboy: i have someone fucking watching me 24/7. they'll most likely be putting me back on my meds
allxbustedxup: but joel..
explodingxxboy: my life is fucking over benji
allxbustedxup: this cant happen joel
explodingxxboy: i dont know what to fucking do!
explodingxxboy: i cant do this benji...i cant but i dont have a fucking choice
allxbustedxup: ...so we're just... over?
explodingxxboy: benji i dont know what to do :'(
allxbustedxup: i dont want to lose you....
explodingxxboy: he went through my whole fucking room benji, because he's been suspicious or something since he found that other notebook
allxbustedxup: jesus christ
explodingxxboy: i cant live without seeing you
allxbustedxup: joel i care too much about you to stop seeing you
explodingxxboy: there isnt anything we can do!!
allxbustedxup: so we're just over... i cant do that
explodingxxboy: i didn't say i wanted to be benji
explodingxxboy: i yelled and i screamed and i cried and i dont fucking know what else to do!!!
explodingxxboy: they'll send me away somewhere, i know they will
allxbustedxup: please joel they cant take you away from me!
allxbustedxup: please dont let them
explodingxxboy: :'(
allxbustedxup: what about fridays?
allxbustedxup: and valentines day...
explodingxxboy: he doesnt want me to be a "fag"
explodingxxboy: he said he always knew i was
allxbustedxup: so we're just never going to see each other again??
explodingxxboy: :'( i'm so fucking sorry benji
explodingxxboy: me and my stupid writing
allxbustedxup: its not your fault
explodingxxboy: yes it is
allxbustedxup: no its not joel
explodingxxboy: :'(
allxbustedxup: :'(
explodingxxboy: i cant do this benj
allxbustedxup: cant do what?
explodingxxboy: not see you
allxbustedxup: me either joel
allxbustedxup: i really cant
explodingxxboy: if they put me back on my meds benji...i don't think i'll be able to do that
allxbustedxup: i cant go back to the way shit was
explodingxxboy: knowing what my life has been like with you, and then being taken away from that...i wont make it benji. i wont.
allxbustedxup: i wont either
explodingxxboy: :'(
allxbustedxup: please tell me theres something we can do
explodingxxboy: i dont know benji, i dont fucking know
allxbustedxup: ...i wont be ok
explodingxxboy: i wont either.
allxbustedxup: please dont hurt yourself joel...
explodingxxboy: :'(
explodingxxboy: please dont hurt yourself either benji
allxbustedxup: ...have you?
explodingxxboy: not really, yet...
allxbustedxup: ...what do you mean, not really?

explodingxxboy: nothing benj
allxbustedxup: tell me
allxbustedxup: please joel
explodingxxboy: i havent done anything purposly yet benji
allxbustedxup: then how are you hurt?
explodingxxboy: emotionally
allxbustedxup: please dont do anything joel... please
allxbustedxup: im begging you
explodingxxboy: :'( i wont make it without you
allxbustedxup: joel please dont do anything i cant lose you like that
explodingxxboy: :'(
allxbustedxup is away at 12:19:19 AM.
explodingxxboy: i dont know what to do benji
Auto response from allxbustedxup: I am away from my computer right now.

explodingxxboy: :'(
allxbustedxup returned at 12:20:34 AM.
allxbustedxup: :'(
allxbustedxup: ...when will i see you again?
explodingxxboy: i...don't know...
explodingxxboy: i'll run away or something
allxbustedxup: they'll send you away
explodingxxboy: i have to see you on valentines day benji
allxbustedxup: not if you're going to get in trouble, what if they send you away and we never get to talk again
explodingxxboy: i'll be 18 in april...
allxbustedxup: but they want you to go to college and you'll still have to finish school
explodingxxboy: they cant make me do anything
allxbustedxup: you cant drop out...
explodingxxboy: i'm not going to, but they can't force me to live with them or put me on medication that will most likely kill me
allxbustedxup: please dont take the meds joel
allxbustedxup: just somehow dont
explodingxxboy: i wont. i dont want to
allxbustedxup: did they hurt you?
explodingxxboy: who?
allxbustedxup: your parents
explodingxxboy: physically, no
allxbustedxup: cant you tell them thats not how you meant what was written...
explodingxxboy: the stuff i wrote about kissing you and touching you is pretty straight forward...
allxbustedxup: i cant do this joel i need to see you
explodingxxboy: :'( i cant do this either benji
allxbustedxup: i barely got to touch you this last time we hung out...
explodingxxboy: :'(
explodingxxboy: i need you so much
allxbustedxup: i need you too joel
allxbustedxup: i need you so bad
explodingxxboy: i havent stopped crying all night benji
allxbustedxup: joel that breaks my fucking heart i want to hold you so bad right now
explodingxxboy: talking to you online like this isnt going to be fucking enough :'(
allxbustedxup: i know joel, god i know
allxbustedxup: cant you just explain it to them cant you get one of them to hear you out
explodingxxboy: i tried benji! god, i tried so fucking hard!
explodingxxboy: they dont care that you make me happy. that i'm fucking HAPPY!! they dont want me to be a fucking faggot
allxbustedxup: im sorry joel
explodingxxboy: maybe being a "fucking fag" makes me happy!! i don't care what the fuck i am
allxbustedxup: your mom, cant you just pull her aside and explain it she's a girl, ya know girls are into that and caring and shit
explodingxxboy: the last time my mom said anything to me was when she said i disgusted her
explodingxxboy: i cant imagine she thinks any better about me now
allxbustedxup: your uncle!
allxbustedxup: cant he talk to thenm
allxbustedxup: them*
explodingxxboy: i dont know...
allxbustedxup: somebody please...
explodingxxboy: i'm going to try everything benj, i promise
allxbustedxup: your parents obviously like your uncle right?
explodingxxboy: not as much as they pretend they do, but i guess so
allxbustedxup: what the hell do they think they can just end it all and it doesnt matter if feelings get hurt just because THEY dont agree with it
explodingxxboy: i just dont fucking understand them benji! i dont! i tried SO FUCKING HARD to change their minds and explain to them that for the first time in my ENTIRE life, i'm happy. isn't that what they wanted by putting me on those damn meds?! so what if i'm a "fucking faggot"? so fucking what? it doesn't change me. it doesn't change anything about me, except for that now i'm actually happy. they should be glad, shouldn't they? instead they're taking me away from you and putting me back into extreme depression and back on the meds that WILL kill me. they'll kill me benji...
explodingxxboy: nothing i have ever said has made a difference to them
allxbustedxup: somebody needs to make them see!
explodingxxboy: there isn't anyone benji
allxbustedxup: who cares, why does it matter who you're in a relationship with?!
explodingxxboy: it would make them even more ashamed of me than they already are. he can't have me be the fuck up i am AND a fag
allxbustedxup: you're not a fag! god it's 2005 this shit isnt even a big deal anymore!
explodingxxboy: it is when you're as well known and important as my father
explodingxxboy: he doesn't want people to talk
allxbustedxup: but he didnt even know until today, it hadnt effected him!
explodingxxboy: apparently someone could see us
allxbustedxup: so what? because we're both guys ad this isnt exactly "right" it means that our feelings dont matter
explodingxxboy: my feelings have NEVER mattered
allxbustedxup: they should, they fucking should you're their goddamn son, they shouldn't treat you like a goddamn inmate!
explodingxxboy: i'm in love with a boy and i guess they just can't have that, even if it's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and will ever happen to me in my life
allxbustedxup: ...what
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: ...i know that this has to be love benji
allxbustedxup: shit joel
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry if that was too much...
allxbustedxup: ive been battling with myself for fucking weeks trying to push it aside or figure out how to tell you that i think im in love you
allxbustedxup: i didnt want to scare you away, and now i have to tell you online because i dont fucking know if ill ever get the chance to say it in person, the way i wanted too...
explodingxxboy: you think you're in love with me too?
allxbustedxup: i think i know that i am
explodingxxboy: wow
allxbustedxup: ive never felt this way in my life
explodingxxboy: me either benji
allxbustedxup: i didnt want to do this online...
explodingxxboy: me either :-(
allxbustedxup: what are we gunna do joel
explodingxxboy: i dont know benji :-(
allxbustedxup: do we really have to wait until april to see each other?
explodingxxboy: i wont let that happen
allxbustedxup: but how?

allxbustedxup: they'll find out
explodingxxboy: i'll figure something out benji. i'm not gonna let this happen
allxbustedxup: id be killed if i showed up there huh?
explodingxxboy: if they saw you...
explodingxxboy: i'll have to see if i can figure out a way to sneak you in
allxbustedxup: what if they find us?
allxbustedxup: they'll send you away and kill me
explodingxxboy: they wont. i have a lock on my door. as long as i got you in my room without anyone seeing, and got you out without anyone seeing, it'll be ok
explodingxxboy: you might be able to come through my window...
allxbustedxup: what about my car, how would i get in?
explodingxxboy: you'd have to park down the street or something and i could figure out a way for you to climb up...or for me to climb out. but it'd be safer for you to sneak in than it would be for me to sneak out
allxbustedxup: it cant be like this joel...
allxbustedxup: what about our weekends?
allxbustedxup: and parties
allxbustedxup: and just seeing you
explodingxxboy: i don't know what else to do until i can figure out how to get out of this...
explodingxxboy: i'll try to get ahold of my uncle tomorrow...
allxbustedxup: cant you just try telling them again, explaining it calmly... if you're dad's worried we can keep it low key...
allxbustedxup: just something, i need you!
explodingxxboy: i'm gonna try everything benji, i promise...i need you so fucking bad
explodingxxboy: cause...i love you benji
allxbustedxup: i love you too joel
explodingxxboy: god benji, knowing that is what's gonna help me through this. i promise this isnt the end, ok? i'm going to figure something out
allxbustedxup: this is the worst fucking thing that could happen
explodingxxboy: i know :-(
allxbustedxup: ill wait joel for however long it takes
allxbustedxup: if it takes until april, then ill wait that long
allxbustedxup: i cant lose you, not after this, not now man. ive wanted something like this for a long time. ive wanted you for a long time
explodingxxboy: i've wanted this my entire life
explodingxxboy: i wont let you lose me benj
allxbustedxup: come with me to new york joel, once school is done, lets just fucking go, please!
explodingxxboy: i'd love that
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: well yeah
allxbustedxup: if we have to wait tell then... please dont find someone else
explodingxxboy: how can you even think that benji???
allxbustedxup: ...i dont know i just cant lose you...
allxbustedxup: you have no goddamn idea what you do to me
explodingxxboy: if it's anything like what you do to me...i think i do...
allxbustedxup: you want the truth joel...
explodingxxboy: yeah
allxbustedxup: i was days away from dropping out of school before we hung out, the only reason ive stayed is to impress, i figure you wouldn't want to hang out with some pathetic drop out
allxbustedxup: you*
explodingxxboy: i'm so glad you stayed in school
explodingxxboy: i never would've thought you were pathetic though benji
allxbustedxup: but you dont get the things you've done for me
explodingxxboy: YOU dont get the things you've done for ME benj!
allxbustedxup: ive been putting you first for so long before i do something. that last night i hung out with eric and his friends, i almost went to eddy's to sniff instead of going home to talk to you
explodingxxboy: :-( i'm so glad you didn't
allxbustedxup: i never thought i even had a chance with you then, i just did want you to think i was loser or stop hanging out with me
explodingxxboy: i NEVER would've thought that about you
explodingxxboy: i would've told you that you deserve so much better than that
allxbustedxup: ive got the best now, as corny as that fucking sounds, but now ive got people telling me i can have him
explodingxxboy: i'm not the best
allxbustedxup: yes you are
explodingxxboy: we'll get through this...i'm not giving up and i'm going to try every fucking day until they let this go
allxbustedxup: i guess im going to go lay down...
allxbustedxup: please call me if you need anything
explodingxxboy: same for you
explodingxxboy: at least we can still talk...
allxbustedxup: ...yeah
allxbustedxup: goodnight joel, im so sorry
allxbustedxup: ..i love you
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry benji
explodingxxboy: goodnight...i love you too
allxbustedxup signed off at 2:46:09 AM.

59.

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 05:49:56 GMT

explodingxxboy: hey there hot stuff
allxbustedxup: haha, hey there sexy
explodingxxboy: how ya feelin?
allxbustedxup: better
allxbustedxup: i had this great nurse come take care of me
explodingxxboy: oh really?
allxbustedxup: yep
explodingxxboy: that's awesome :-)
allxbustedxup: he was pretty hot too
explodingxxboy: is that so?
allxbustedxup: yup
explodingxxboy: :-P
explodingxxboy: you're silly
allxbustedxup: you're cute
explodingxxboy: you're cuter :-)
allxbustedxup: thanks for coming over last night to take care of me
explodingxxboy: you don't have to thank me for that benj. it was my pleasure :-)
allxbustedxup: thank you for opening up to me today
explodingxxboy: that's not something you have to thank me for benji....today was just, i can't put into words how much it meant to me. to talk to you about everything, and having you listen and then you opening up back to me...it was just, i'm glad we had the talk we did today.
allxbustedxup: i feel a lot closer to you now
explodingxxboy: god, so do i benj
allxbustedxup: this is gunna sound crazy but thank you for crying in front of me
explodingxxboy: you too...
explodingxxboy: thanks for holding me
explodingxxboy: thanks for trusting me enough to tell me the things you did
allxbustedxup: god, anytime joel
allxbustedxup: i hope you know that
explodingxxboy: i do benj...same goes for you too you know
allxbustedxup: thanks for listening to me
allxbustedxup: you know if i didnt know you, after that shit with eric id probably be on drugs again
explodingxxboy: i'm ALWAYS here for you benj, always
allxbustedxup: not to mention i would've let him continue to call me and hurt me
explodingxxboy: :-( i'm so glad you aren't
allxbustedxup: its just so easy ya know
explodingxxboy: yeah, i know
allxbustedxup: to have all those feelings go away just by sniffing something
explodingxxboy: i know exactly
explodingxxboy: god benj, i'm so glad you aren't doing that anymore
allxbustedxup: are we going to get together this weekend?
explodingxxboy: if you want to. i'd love to :-)
allxbustedxup: of course i want to
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: friday night stand up?
explodingxxboy: of course!
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: it's our "thing" dude
explodingxxboy: i love it
allxbustedxup: i love that we have a thing :-D
explodingxxboy: me too!
allxbustedxup: im gunna head to bed, back to school
allxbustedxup: ickk
allxbustedxup: goodnight baby
explodingxxboy: aww, yeah me too
explodingxxboy: goodnight babe :-)
allxbustedxup signed off at 11:48:34 PM.

58.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 06:29:06 GMT

explodingxxboy: i'm SO sorry for leaving like that!!
allxbustedxup: its ok man, did i snot on you or something?
explodingxxboy: my dad called and i didn't wanna wake you and i couldn't find any damn paper
explodingxxboy: i tried calling earlier tonight a few times but you never picked up. i figured you were still sleeping or something
explodingxxboy: how are you doing???
allxbustedxup: i fell asleep in the tub:-X
explodingxxboy: aww dude
explodingxxboy: you shouldn't do that without supervision when you've taken a bunch of cold meds
allxbustedxup: then i broke my fever and got all sweaty
allxbustedxup: yeah i woke up by getting a rush of water up my nose
explodingxxboy: i'm so glad you woke up benj. that's scary
explodingxxboy: are you feeling any better?
allxbustedxup: a little
explodingxxboy: that's good i suppose, but still :-(
explodingxxboy: after my parents go to bed i could sneak out......
explodingxxboy: you need some nurse joel lovin
allxbustedxup: aww thats ok man, i dont want you to get in trouble
explodingxxboy: eh, fuck 'em
allxbustedxup: im such a gross sick person man, and you dont need to get sick
explodingxxboy: i gotta take care of my sick baby
allxbustedxup: it's cool man, besides its not fair
explodingxxboy: i won't, and if do, consider it payback :-)
allxbustedxup: cause i just wanna kiss you when you're around and i cant when im sick
explodingxxboy: sure you can
allxbustedxup: no i cant cause no one wants to kiss a sick person, and i wont cause i dont want you sick
explodingxxboy: i want to kiss a sick person named benji
allxbustedxup: dude vomit has been coming out of my mouth all day
explodingxxboy: i gave you a kiss before i left
explodingxxboy: you can brush your teeth and then kiss me :-)
allxbustedxup: >:oi dont want you getting sick
explodingxxboy: :-( i just wanna take care of my sick boy
explodingxxboy: you need someone there to take care of you and make you feel better. it's no fun being sick alone
allxbustedxup: aw its fine kid im used to it
explodingxxboy: i liked taking care of you today
allxbustedxup: i just sleep it off
explodingxxboy: i just laid there next to you while you slept and ran my fingers through your hair and watched you sleep :-[ you looked really peaceful
explodingxxboy: and you were mumbling things, i wanted to see if you said anything about me ;-)
explodingxxboy: it was cute
allxbustedxup: oh lord
explodingxxboy: i was happy that you finally got some sleep
explodingxxboy: that's why i didn't wake you when i left
explodingxxboy: i didn't wanna leave you
allxbustedxup: why did you go
explodingxxboy: my dad called and he demanded i get home
allxbustedxup: how come? is everything ok?
explodingxxboy: he threatened to send me away if i didn't get back within an hour, so i had to book it
explodingxxboy: eh, just the usual shit...my school called him at work and interrupted his shit or something, and he kinda found one of my song notebooks and wasn't very happy with it let's just say
explodingxxboy: he thinks i'm still depressed
allxbustedxup: oh man, is everything alright??
explodingxxboy: it was one of my older notebooks, but it still had some songs i really liked in there and he ripped it up and threw it away
allxbustedxup: fuck dude thats NOT cool
explodingxxboy: he's sick of me being such a whiney bitch about things, he wants to put me back on my meds....
explodingxxboy: i'm praying to GOD that he doesn't benji.
allxbustedxup: aww joel im so sorry man
explodingxxboy: he said a future law student can't be so emotionally retarded like me
explodingxxboy: it's just, you don't understand benji...i CANT go back on those meds...they fucked me up...
allxbustedxup: you dont need meds!
explodingxxboy: i told him that i'm happier right now than i ever have in my entire life, but he never listens. none of this is new, i just...i can't go back on those meds...
allxbustedxup: you're emotionally retarded maybe if your parents acted like good ones
allxbustedxup: i dont think you should but how come?
explodingxxboy: they fucked me up so bad benji
allxbustedxup: how so?
explodingxxboy: my emotions were totally out of whack and basically, they almost killed me three times...
allxbustedxup: joel please dont take them if they make you
explodingxxboy: and it took SO much for me to get off those and learn to live without them
explodingxxboy: i don't want to take them, i'm so scared he'll make me. they didn't understand
allxbustedxup: promise me you wont take them
explodingxxboy: i don't want to fuck up what we have benji, and i know i'd fuck it up if i go back on them
allxbustedxup: you'd never fuck it up joel
explodingxxboy: i would if i was back on my meds...just trust me on that benj
allxbustedxup: just please dont take them joel, im always here for you
explodingxxboy: i know, i don't want to take them...but if he decides i should, he'll force me
explodingxxboy: sorry dude, it's really not that big of a deal. i shouldn't have even said anything about it
allxbustedxup: he's so fucking dumb you dont need goddamn pills to make you happy
explodingxxboy: they're just ignorant
explodingxxboy: and they worked for about a month and then they just fucked me up so bad
allxbustedxup: couldnt you just spit them out?
explodingxxboy: i used to throw a fit back when i'd been taking them for a long time, like...they had to hold me down and force them down my throat...
allxbustedxup: jesus christ
explodingxxboy: i told you benji...i used to be really fucked up. i hope that doesn't scare you or anything...i'm probably saying too much
allxbustedxup: not at all joel
explodingxxboy: you promise?
allxbustedxup: i wasnt an upstanding person in the past
allxbustedxup: i swear
allxbustedxup: id sniff just about anything i couch crush
allxbustedxup: could*
explodingxxboy: i just had a few really fucked up years, and i never want to go back to that
allxbustedxup: you wont
allxbustedxup: you're almost 18
allxbustedxup: then they cant make you do shit
explodingxxboy: i did a lot of drinking and drugs while i was taking those meds too, and that was just...bad.
explodingxxboy: they think i'm mental. i know they do. the way they look at me. they don't think i'm stable, and maybe i'm not...but i'm doing better now than i ever have before in my life. i owe pretty much all of that to you benj
explodingxxboy: getting myself off my meds and cleaning myself up, and having you in my life has done more for me than i can even tell you
allxbustedxup: aww shit joel, you shouldnt have to deal with that
explodingxxboy: i guess i don't blame them for thinking that cause if you would've seen me a few years ago...you'd probably think the same
allxbustedxup: no i wouldnt have
allxbustedxup: it's their own goddamn fault you were depressed
allxbustedxup: they thought loading you up with pills would solve all yours and their problems
allxbustedxup: b ut just paying you some positive attention is all you needed
explodingxxboy: eh, it was the easy way to fix things
allxbustedxup: no it isnt
allxbustedxup: what you needed more was a goddamn hug not a bottle of pills
explodingxxboy: it's all in the past now
explodingxxboy: what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
allxbustedxup: i guess so
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry for bringing the mood down dude
allxbustedxup: dont be sorry joel i lkike that you trust me enough to open up
explodingxxboy: i trust you more than anything. i've never had anyone listen to me like you do. it makes me feel good :-)
allxbustedxup: like*
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: same here
explodingxxboy: are you sure i can't come over and take care of you some more?
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to get in trouble
explodingxxboy: i wont :-)
allxbustedxup: what about school?
explodingxxboy: i can call myself in. it's a rich ass school, they're getting their money so they could care less if i'm there or not. i just forgot to excuse myself before i left today so that's why they called
explodingxxboy: i want to stay with you and take care of you benj
allxbustedxup: just please dont get yourself in trouble
explodingxxboy: i wont dude. don't worry
explodingxxboy: they'd never notice. they never do unless something interrupts their important shit
allxbustedxup: are you sure i dont need you getting in trouble and sick
explodingxxboy: i'm positive :-)
explodingxxboy: and this way, if you want to take a bath tomorrow, i can supervise ;-)
allxbustedxup: i hate baths man
explodingxxboy: can't have you falling asleep again
explodingxxboy: i like baths
allxbustedxup: i hate em
explodingxxboy: well...i can supervise your shower then haha
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: gotta keep my sick benji safe, you know
explodingxxboy: by all means necessary
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: i just ate 5 crackers they seem to be staying down
explodingxxboy: aw that's good to hear
explodingxxboy: you wanna try some soup again?
explodingxxboy: i make some wicked soup
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: soup and grilled cheese are my specialties
allxbustedxup: ooh
explodingxxboy: i'm one badass cook
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: ugh that asshole who lives with me is home
explodingxxboy: grr
explodingxxboy: should i not come?
allxbustedxup: its up to you man, i dont want you to feel uncomfortable
allxbustedxup: i dont know if he's staying or what
explodingxxboy: i still wanna, i just don't know if i'd cause trouble or anything showing up this late and stuff
allxbustedxup: nah, as long as we stay out of his way
explodingxxboy: okay, if you're sure...i don't wanna get you in trouble or anything
allxbustedxup: like he'd care
allxbustedxup: well dick face needs to use the phone
explodingxxboy: i dunno, just wanna make sure
allxbustedxup: and im fucking cold again
allxbustedxup: its up to you babe
explodingxxboy: :-( well i'll have to come over and warm you up again
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: ill see you in a little while then?
explodingxxboy: yep :-)
allxbustedxup: :-) drive safe
explodingxxboy: i will dude, see you soon
allxbustedxup: see ya soon
explodingxxboy: :-*

57.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 07:39:47 GMT

allxbustedxup: hi.. baby...
explodingxxboy: hey baby :-)
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: how are you?
explodingxxboy: lonely
explodingxxboy: you?
allxbustedxup: :-(
allxbustedxup: same
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: it was such a lonely car ride home
explodingxxboy: it was lonely sitting in my room after you left, it still is
allxbustedxup: it suck watching stand up without you
allxbustedxup: sucks*
explodingxxboy: i was just sitting here thinking the same thing dude
allxbustedxup: and now school tomorrow... blah!
explodingxxboy: yuck
allxbustedxup: i know its kinda lame and kinda early to ask but... will you be my valentine???
explodingxxboy: aww shit dude, of course i will :-D
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: i completely forgot about valentines day! it's never been anything i've ever put much thought into...but now...i can :-)
allxbustedxup: me either
allxbustedxup: will you ditch school and spend the day with me??
explodingxxboy: as if you even have to ask
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: ive got a valentine!!!
explodingxxboy: me too!!!
explodingxxboy: you're the best valentine ever :-D
allxbustedxup: you are :-)
allxbustedxup: this is turning out to be a good year after all
explodingxxboy: it definitely is
allxbustedxup: thank you
explodingxxboy: thank you benji :-)
allxbustedxup: did you have fun this weekend?
explodingxxboy: i had an awesome time this weekend
explodingxxboy: did you have fun?
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: yes
explodingxxboy: :-D i'm glad
allxbustedxup: you know what ive been thinking about
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: you've got some damn good moves
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i totally embarrassed myself didn't i
allxbustedxup: not at all man
allxbustedxup: you got the party going!
explodingxxboy: haha, yeah right
allxbustedxup: you're so hot
explodingxxboy: :-[ dude
explodingxxboy: YOU'RE so hot :-D
allxbustedxup: they really need a smiley that rolls its eyes
explodingxxboy: pfft
explodingxxboy: you're hot, the end.
allxbustedxup: you're blind :-)
explodingxxboy: no sir, i believe i am not
allxbustedxup: you know what the best part was?
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: you, crawling between my legs to make out with me
allxbustedxup: shit that was so hot
explodingxxboy: :-) you liked that?
allxbustedxup: im going to pretend it had nothing to do with the alcohol or weed
allxbustedxup: fuck, it was hot
explodingxxboy: the weed or alcohol isn't what made me WANT to do it, it just gave me the balls to actually do it...cause i'm shy dude. i get too nervous and stuff to be forward like that
explodingxxboy: you know what i thought was hot?
allxbustedxup: what?
explodingxxboy: when i was making an ass outta myself dancing or whatever, when you pulled me toward you and kissed me. i liked that
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: makin out with me while i was dancing against you, very hot :-)
allxbustedxup: you were turning me on
explodingxxboy: i was?
allxbustedxup: yep :-)
allxbustedxup: you're good at that
explodingxxboy: :-[ i look like a freak
allxbustedxup: dude trust me you didnt!
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: was i really dancing that much?
allxbustedxup: enough :-)
explodingxxboy: oh man, no more alcohol for joel. haha
explodingxxboy: that stuff is reserved for when i'm alone in my room
allxbustedxup: dude you should dance more often
explodingxxboy: haha. yeah right
allxbustedxup: you really should!
explodingxxboy: no way dude!
allxbustedxup: dude!!!
allxbustedxup: you know what would be WAY hot
explodingxxboy: haha. what?
allxbustedxup: nevermind ill sound like a perv... good catch on that one benji
explodingxxboy: tell me!
allxbustedxup: no way dude you'll think im weird
explodingxxboy: will not! tell me, please?
allxbustedxup: i was gunna say you should strip me...:-X
allxbustedxup: for*
explodingxxboy: well, before you put that "for" in there, i was about to agree with you...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: well i think you should agree with the "for" in there
allxbustedxup: i like that one better
explodingxxboy: dude...i'm too shy
explodingxxboy: i could never do that
explodingxxboy: you should strip for me!
allxbustedxup: i know, i just thought it would be hot
allxbustedxup: no way dude
explodingxxboy: yes way man
allxbustedxup: i dont dance
allxbustedxup: i have NO rythm
explodingxxboy: pfft. i don't buy it
allxbustedxup: oh dude, buy it for full price cause its TRUE
explodingxxboy: i cant dance either but apparently that doesnt stop me, haha
allxbustedxup: you can though man!
explodingxxboy: just cause i like to dance doesnt mean i can haha
allxbustedxup: trust me man, i have a penis and it likes you naked it also likes you dancing and those two things together... shiiiit
explodingxxboy: haha :-[
explodingxxboy: i think my penis would enjoy you doing both also ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha trust me, i really cant dance the only time i tried was at one of eddy's parties, go ahead ask him sometime he STILL makes fun of me for it
explodingxxboy: aw dude. i wouldnt make fun of you. there isnt much to dancing man. just shake your booty!
explodingxxboy: shake that hot ass ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha i cant i suck man
allxbustedxup: eddy walked up to me at that party and was all "can you NEVER do that again"
explodingxxboy: haha. aw dude
explodingxxboy: would you dance with me if i asked?
explodingxxboy: if we were alone in my room?
allxbustedxup: i stand by you :-)
allxbustedxup: id*
explodingxxboy: nooo, you have to dance!
explodingxxboy: just move your hips with mine :-)
allxbustedxup: trust me babe you dont want that
explodingxxboy: yes i do :-)
explodingxxboy: it gives me a happy feeling inside when you call me that...
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: i couldnt believe that it slipped out friday
explodingxxboy: i'm glad it did
explodingxxboy: it made me feel better, honestly, it did
allxbustedxup: good :-D
allxbustedxup: cause you shouldnt ever worry about that kinda shit
explodingxxboy: it was just embarrassing cause i know i'm not that quick dude, TRUST ME...it was just embarrassing and honestly, i was just really pissed for how i acted. that's really why i was so upset, and i still hate how i acted
allxbustedxup: baby:-) i trust you. honestly i do. and i swear to you when i say i was so close to coming right after you. i didnt even think anything about you coming when you did i couldnt get over the fact i was touching you:-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i think it was the fact that it was you touching me that made it happen faster than i wanted...cause yeah...it felt incredible benji...and i wanted so badly to make you feel good too...
allxbustedxup: you did man, you have NO idea what touching you made me feel like, im getting butterflies just thinking about it
explodingxxboy: me too :-[
explodingxxboy: but i really wanted to...you know...
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: dude and knowing you came because of me....
explodingxxboy: it was amazing benji...and i'm really sorry that it didn't end in a better way
allxbustedxup: dont be sorry
allxbustedxup: i was more worried aboiut you then anything
explodingxxboy: but i am sorry because that's not how i wanted it to be
allxbustedxup: i just hate when you say bad shit about yourself
explodingxxboy: don't worry about it benji, i promise i'm fine
allxbustedxup: i just worry about
allxbustedxup: cause see the thing is... you're all i got
explodingxxboy: you're all i got too benji
explodingxxboy: and believe me benj, you're doing more for me than you'll ever realize
allxbustedxup: same here joel
allxbustedxup: its just some of those lyrics and stuff of yours i worry about
explodingxxboy: i don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells around me or something dude just because of my background. i'm not like that anymore, i promise and i don't want it to be treated differently or whatever because you're scared i'll do something
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to be depressed
allxbustedxup: id never treat you differently joel
explodingxxboy: i'm not benji...i've never been this happy in my life
explodingxxboy: my lyrics...they're just...it's therapy for me i guess you could say. ya know? don't worry about it man, please?
allxbustedxup: i just dont want to lose you, if god for bid us as a relationship doesnt work out i dont want to lose you as a friend
explodingxxboy: you wont. i promise.
explodingxxboy: cause i don't ever wanna lose you either
allxbustedxup: hell i get scared when i know you're driving out here to see me
allxbustedxup: i worry about everything joel
explodingxxboy: i know...i do too, but i just don't want you to be scared
allxbustedxup: i just dont want you to push me away when you're feeling like you were on friday
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry benji...i'm just not used to people being around like that, or wanting to be around
allxbustedxup: i want to be joel
explodingxxboy: i want you to be too...i'm just nervous about it
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: i dunno...i don't want to be all freaky or something and scare you. i've always dealt with my little "episodes" by myself
explodingxxboy: god, i sound like such a mental freak
allxbustedxup: i promise you wont scare me away
allxbustedxup: there are a lot of things i think would scare you away about myself
explodingxxboy: you know that i want to be there for you too benji
explodingxxboy: even at those times where it's "not a big deal"...i wanna be there for you too
allxbustedxup: i know, and i realize it afterwards that i shouldn't be so damn stubborn
allxbustedxup: im working on it cause i want us to be open and shit
explodingxxboy: i understand benji
explodingxxboy: i want us to be open and stuff too
explodingxxboy: and i want more than anything to share things with you like that, parts of my life that i'm scared to maybe show you, but i want to because i trust you
allxbustedxup: all the stuff you've told me about your past, i just dont want you to get like that again cause you deserve to be happy, that when you do feel crappy id rather be there to hug you or just talk to you or listen
explodingxxboy: you don't know how much that means to me benj
explodingxxboy: cause i know that every single time, the only thing i ever wanted was for someone to hug me. that's all. i hated being alone
allxbustedxup: its the truth though joel fuck its corny as shit but id drop everything for you
explodingxxboy: i would too benji
allxbustedxup: shit joel, that breaks my heart. i want to be there for you, i dont want you to think that im going to push you away
explodingxxboy: it sounds like i'm asking for pity...i really hope you don't think that
allxbustedxup: not at all joel
explodingxxboy: i've never wanted to sound like those kids who are all whiney and "omg i'm so depressed. pity me" and whatever
allxbustedxup: you dont man, not at all
explodingxxboy: cause like, i don't go around bragging about it like some people do. you're the only person i've ever actually really told about it, cause i trust you more than anything
allxbustedxup: you have no idea what that means to me
allxbustedxup: im trying like fuck to just be more open to you when shit goes down with like my dad. but its hard cause usually i just take and go
allxbustedxup: it*
explodingxxboy: i know benj, and i don't wanna pressure you to tell me everything cause i know it's hard to change your routine and how you deal with shit...but i just want you to know how much i want to be there for you, even when you think you don't need it, i wanna be there
allxbustedxup: thanks to my dad ive got a really bad temper, thats not something i want you to see. id never ever hurt you thats not why i dont want you to see it, i just get really angry and maybe im not so fun to be around
allxbustedxup: i dont think hitting someone solves anything because clearly it doesnt solve anything when my dad hits me, therefore id never take my angry out on anyone other then myself
explodingxxboy: like you said benj...i want to see all those sides of you. i'm not really so fun to be around when i get like i do, but i'm willing to let you see me like that if you let me see you in some of the ways you might not want me to
allxbustedxup: i just dont want you to change your mind about me
explodingxxboy: i take my anger out on myself too, and sometimes a lot of random objects laying around the house...
explodingxxboy: i never will benji
explodingxxboy: nothing like that could change my mind about you
allxbustedxup: i take my anger out on myself and walls normally
allxbustedxup: my posters are kind of stationed in certain parts of room for certain reasons
explodingxxboy: guess we have that in common?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: i used to do a lot worse before i used the walls and shit in my room as a substitute for my anger
allxbustedxup: me too
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: that habbit hasnt completely left me at times
explodingxxboy: me either...
explodingxxboy: i'm assuming it's the same habit
explodingxxboy: it makes me so sad hearing you say that benj :-(
allxbustedxup: it fucking breaks my hearing you say that!
allxbustedxup: i havent for awhile
explodingxxboy: neither have i
allxbustedxup: well... since earlier last month
explodingxxboy: god benj...it hurts thinking about you doing that...
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: if i remember right it was cause of eric
explodingxxboy: oh benji
explodingxxboy: i want to hug you so bad right now...
explodingxxboy: you never deserved that shit!
allxbustedxup: i walked right into it going out with him
explodingxxboy: no, don't even think like that okay? i'm serious. god, you never fucking deserved that and it breaks my heart so badly thinking about it
allxbustedxup: just another lesson learned
allxbustedxup: ive got you now :-)
explodingxxboy: i swear to you benji, i'll never hurt you.
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: i never wanna cause you any pain
allxbustedxup: i dont think you ever would
explodingxxboy: you mean too much to me
allxbustedxup: id never purposly hurt you joel
allxbustedxup: i hope you know that
explodingxxboy: i do
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: well i guess im gunna head to bed...
allxbustedxup: all alone
explodingxxboy: :-( me too
allxbustedxup: goodnight baby
allxbustedxup: thanks for a great weekend
explodingxxboy: thank you too benj
explodingxxboy: goodnight baby :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: :-*

56.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 08:34:33 GMT

allxbustedxup: im sorry...
explodingxxboy: no. dont you even fucking say that. just. dont
explodingxxboy: there isn't one fucking thing you have to be sorry for
allxbustedxup: i didnt go slow like i said i would
explodingxxboy: please stop benji
allxbustedxup: then whats wrong joel?
explodingxxboy: I HATE MYSELF. that's what's wrong. i'm so fucking sorry benji. god, i hate myself
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry
explodingxxboy: i ruined it
allxbustedxup: joel please dont hate yourself. please you didnt ruin anything
explodingxxboy: yes i did
explodingxxboy: i'm a fucking idiot
allxbustedxup: no you're not joel, please dont say that about yourself please.
allxbustedxup: nothing was ruined joel
explodingxxboy: yes it was. i'm such a fucking loser.
explodingxxboy: i'm so sorry benji. i'm so sorry
allxbustedxup: god joel, you're the farthest thing from a loser
explodingxxboy: i feel like shit
allxbustedxup: please dont be sorry, nothing was ruined joel
allxbustedxup: dont feel like shit joel
explodingxxboy: i do
allxbustedxup: please dont, you have no idea what you mean to me, i dont like it when you say shit like that about yourself
explodingxxboy: i fucking kicked you out because i'm a little retard
allxbustedxup: you wanted to be alone, i understand that joel, i shouldn't have just done what i did, i told you id go slow and i didnt, im sorry, please dont say that stuff about yourself
explodingxxboy: no, fucking no benji. dont dare blame any of that on you. it's all me.
allxbustedxup: no! dont fucking blame yourself joel. please dont.
explodingxxboy: i knew i'd fuck it up like this. i knew it was gonna happen
allxbustedxup: you havent fucked anything up joel
allxbustedxup: please tell me why you're so upset
explodingxxboy: i came after like two fucking minutes!!!
explodingxxboy: way to fucking embarrass myself, not to mention how fucking stupid i was trying to touch you back. i'm a fucking idiot
allxbustedxup: joel! is that what you're worried about?
explodingxxboy: understatement
allxbustedxup: you're not a fucking idiot joel
explodingxxboy: yes i am!
allxbustedxup: joel please, im begging you dont say that stuff about yourself!
explodingxxboy: well i fucking do
allxbustedxup: please joel..
allxbustedxup: its not a big deal if thats what you're worried about
explodingxxboy: it's a big fucking deal
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: uh HELLO
explodingxxboy: how the hell is that NOT a big deal?
allxbustedxup: you came, thats a good sign, and i wasnt expecting anything back from you joel, thats not what im after
explodingxxboy: in two minutes!!!!
explodingxxboy: i wanted it to fucking last longer than that benji, and then i go and can't even finish you because i'm a fucking moron
explodingxxboy: i just knew i'd do something like this
allxbustedxup: joel its not a big deal at all, what do you think id actually judge you?
explodingxxboy: it's a huge deal to me
allxbustedxup: its not something you've done a lot of joel... dont be ashamed
explodingxxboy: i am
allxbustedxup: why its normal
allxbustedxup: its not like you didnt get hard, or never got off
explodingxxboy: don't give me that bullshit
allxbustedxup: joel, please, i dont want to fight with you...
explodingxxboy: i'm not fighting with you benji. i'm fighting with myself
explodingxxboy: you don't know how fucking sorry i am and how fucking shitty i feel for this. you're perfect. you don't need this shit
allxbustedxup: please dont joel, you're scaring me.
allxbustedxup: jesus christ joel, dont be sorry, i dont NEED that shit from you, i love just being with you
explodingxxboy: i can't do anything right
allxbustedxup: you do everything right joel
allxbustedxup: you dont know what you mean to me, joel
explodingxxboy: stop it benji, i don't deserve that
allxbustedxup: yes you do!
explodingxxboy: i didn't want it to happen like that benji
allxbustedxup: you dont get it joel, you're the only thing i have to look forward to in life
allxbustedxup: i dont care how corny that sounds
explodingxxboy: i DO get it. that's why i'm so fucking pissed for fucking it up
allxbustedxup: god joel that shit isnt even the stuff that matters
explodingxxboy: i know
explodingxxboy: you dont get it benji
allxbustedxup: then what are you so worried about?
allxbustedxup: what dont i get, please tell me
explodingxxboy: i dont care if it's not what matters to you, it's there, it happens, i want to fucking be like that with you benji and i can't believe what fucking happened. i didn't want it to happen like that benji...
allxbustedxup: im sorry
explodingxxboy: there isn't anything for you to even be sorry for! don't say that benji, please. it just makes me feel worse because I'M the one who needs to be fucking sorry
allxbustedxup: please dont be
allxbustedxup: please joel
explodingxxboy: it wasn't suppose to happen like that benji. i wasn't supposed to fucking come after 2 damn minutes and then freak out leaving you there and making you fucking leave so i can freak out some more.
allxbustedxup: it's not a big deal at all joel, not in the least
explodingxxboy: it is to me
allxbustedxup: im scared joel
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: because i dont like you like this, i dont know where we are, i dont want you to be so upset at yourself
explodingxxboy: god and now i'm making you doubt our relationship. i really did a good job tonight. i should just fucking shut my mouth. i'm sorry for this benji. i'm so sorry. i dont' wanna hurt you
allxbustedxup: joel i just dont like to see you like this
explodingxxboy: see me how?
allxbustedxup: saying this shit about yourself
explodingxxboy: its just the truth
explodingxxboy: i'm fucked up benji, you dont need this
allxbustedxup: dont you DARE fucking saying that about yourself joel
allxbustedxup: dont EVER say that
explodingxxboy: but i am benji
allxbustedxup: no you're not!
allxbustedxup: im not going to sit here and let you do this yourself over something like that
explodingxxboy: i didnt want that to happen benji
allxbustedxup: if you think for one minute that what happened tonight is going to change how i think about you, you're so fucking wrong joel. its not a big deal and thats not just something im saying to make you feel better
explodingxxboy: i wanted it to be good
explodingxxboy: how can it not change how you think?
allxbustedxup: why would it?

allxbustedxup: do you really think im that shallow?
explodingxxboy: no
allxbustedxup: did you honestly think it was going to change how i think about you?
explodingxxboy: i dont know
allxbustedxup: god joel, not even for a minute would i think differently about you
explodingxxboy: i swear it's not always like that
allxbustedxup: i believe you joel
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry benji
allxbustedxup: how fast you come has nothing to do with why i care about you joel, and trust me i wasnt about to last much longer
explodingxxboy: i don't know why that happened...
allxbustedxup: joel i came just rubbing against your leg last weekend...
explodingxxboy: :-[ you did it for a long time
allxbustedxup: not that long joel
explodingxxboy: i hate myself for how i acted
allxbustedxup: please dont joel
explodingxxboy: i made you fucking leave
explodingxxboy: and god, you looked so sad. i feel so fucking horrible and stupid
allxbustedxup: i just didnt want to leave you joel
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry for freaking out. i can' tbelieve myself
allxbustedxup: i dont like when you say shit about yourself joel
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to feel like you used too...
explodingxxboy: you help me not benji
allxbustedxup: then please dont think that id ever change the way i feel about you over something like that
explodingxxboy: i freak out sometimes and get too emotional and fucked up...you shouldnt' have to deal with that shit, i told you, i'm fucked up
allxbustedxup: you're not fucked up joel, and please dont say that it makes you sound like you dont want this
explodingxxboy: i want this more than anything benji
explodingxxboy: please don't think i do because, god benji, i do
allxbustedxup: please dont be so down on yourself joel
explodingxxboy: it's something i cant help benj
allxbustedxup: but you dont even see what you've done for me or how great you are
explodingxxboy: obviously it doesnt look like it right now, but you have no fucking idea what you've done for me benji. i'm so fucking happy, for the first time in my LIFE.
allxbustedxup: then please dont worry about something like this
explodingxxboy: i'm embarrassed about that, but i'm more pissed at myself just for how i treated you and how the night ended...i'm so sorry benji, you have no idea how sorry i am.
allxbustedxup: please dont be sorry joel, please dont
explodingxxboy: but i am and i should be
allxbustedxup: do you want to be alone tonight...?
explodingxxboy: i never want to be alone at night...
allxbustedxup: can i come back over?
explodingxxboy: you'd want to?
allxbustedxup: of course
explodingxxboy: i dont know how you still want to see me after tonight
explodingxxboy: i don't deserve you benji
allxbustedxup: because i like you joel
explodingxxboy: i wonder why all the time
explodingxxboy: but i'm glad you do
explodingxxboy: i thank god that you do benji
allxbustedxup: i really just wanna hold you
explodingxxboy: i need you to
allxbustedxup: is it really ok if i come back over
explodingxxboy: please benji
explodingxxboy: i'm a mess though...
allxbustedxup: what do you mean?
explodingxxboy: just my stupid over-emotional self
allxbustedxup: aww joel...
explodingxxboy: i didnt want you to see how i get sometimes...
allxbustedxup: i wanna be there for you joel
allxbustedxup: no matter how you are
explodingxxboy: i dont want you to see me like that benj
allxbustedxup: i think you need someone there when you're like that
explodingxxboy: i'm embarrassed...
allxbustedxup: you've seen me in some pretty messed up moments
allxbustedxup: please dont be
explodingxxboy: those weren't your fault though benj. trust me, you really dont wanna see me like that
allxbustedxup: i do though joel
allxbustedxup: i wanna see every party of you
allxbustedxup: the good and the bad
explodingxxboy: why?
allxbustedxup: because thats what being with someone is about
explodingxxboy: i want to see every part of you too benji
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to be alone when you're upset joel
explodingxxboy: it just happens sometimes. i think it's just cause i'm not on medication anymore and shit...i dunno, but benji, i haven't had any weird stupid episodes other than this since i've known you. you make me so happy and feel so good
allxbustedxup: i got really scared tonight driving home
explodingxxboy: why?
explodingxxboy: i don't wanna scare you benji...
allxbustedxup: just because of what you used to do...
explodingxxboy: :-( i dont want you to be scared with me, or treat me differently benji...i'm ok now.
allxbustedxup: id never treat you differently joel... i just dont want to lose you
explodingxxboy: you wont
allxbustedxup: im gunna come back over then...
explodingxxboy: okay
allxbustedxup: ill be there in about an hour
explodingxxboy: okay benji. please drive safe
allxbustedxup: i will, ill see you soon, dont be upset joel
explodingxxboy: i just need to see you
allxbustedxup: ill be there asap
explodingxxboy: i'll be waiting
allxbustedxup signed off at 2:33:25 AM.

55.

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 06:43:06 GMT

explodingxxboy: yo yo
allxbustedxup: hey sleepy head
explodingxxboy: that was the best nap i've ever had dude
allxbustedxup: :-)
explodingxxboy: you're so comfy :-)
allxbustedxup: so are you
explodingxxboy: you're like my little teddy bear
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: you don't have school friday, right?
allxbustedxup: nope
explodingxxboy: wanna spend the day with me???
allxbustedxup: of course!!!!!
explodingxxboy: :-D good!
explodingxxboy: tomorrow is gonna SUCK
explodingxxboy: wanna spend the night at my house?
allxbustedxup: sure!
allxbustedxup: there's a party saturday night, do you wanna go?
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: sure dude
explodingxxboy: who's havin the party?
allxbustedxup: eddy, he got ahold of some really good weed so a bunch of people are going over we can smoke if we want if not he said we can come over drink, and have fun
explodingxxboy: sounds fun. do you wanna smoke?
allxbustedxup: i dunno, guess ill decide once i see whats going on and stuff
explodingxxboy: that's a good plan
allxbustedxup: when i was really into drugs i seen some shitty stuff go down when people got ahold of "good stuff"
allxbustedxup: so i wanna feel it out first
explodingxxboy: yeah dude, that's good
explodingxxboy: would eddy let us crash at his place again if we needed to?
allxbustedxup: 'course
explodingxxboy: :-) cool
allxbustedxup: i gotta go shower quick and pick up the kitchen, but ill be back
explodingxxboy: have fun :-)
allxbustedxup: haha thanks
allxbustedxup: be back soon jerm
explodingxxboy: :-P
allxbustedxup is away at 8:41:34 PM.
Auto response from allxbustedxup: I am away from my computer right now.

allxbustedxup returned at 9:40:09 PM.
allxbustedxup: hi there sexy jerm
explodingxxboy: i need a better nickname for you
explodingxxboy: how was the shower?
allxbustedxup: pretty good
explodingxxboy: :-) that's good
explodingxxboy: i missed yooooou :-)
allxbustedxup: :-Di missed you!
explodingxxboy: aww :-D
explodingxxboy: i bet you look pretty good in the shower ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha, you, in the shower... wow
explodingxxboy: shh, we're talking about you right now
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: well im thinking about you ;-)
explodingxxboy: and i'm thinking about you :-P
allxbustedxup: so um ive been thinking since i left your house...
explodingxxboy: what..
allxbustedxup: when you fell asleep i stayed up and just kinda watched you for awhile and then i noticed that journal i bought you on your night stand so i got curious and stuff and opened it cause i wanted to see it again and i know i shouldn't have cause its none of my business, but i read some stuff in there... im sorry man ill understand if you hate me. at first i was just reading through some of the songs you've already showed me and stuff
explodingxxboy: :-[ ...how much did you read?
allxbustedxup: probably more then i should have... im really sorry joel
explodingxxboy: :-[ oh man, i'm so embarrassed
allxbustedxup: are you upset me?
explodingxxboy: nah, i'm not upset i'm just... :-[ i'm embarrassed. did you read more than my songs?
allxbustedxup: ...yeah
explodingxxboy: :-[:-[
explodingxxboy: what uh...what did you read?
allxbustedxup: um... you think you're uh... falling for me...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: its true...
allxbustedxup: shit joel
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: um, yeah..
allxbustedxup: i havent even been able to think straight since i read that
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry
allxbustedxup: dont, god, dont be
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: secret's out, eh?
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: i just dont get it, but i guess thats the way things work in lie
allxbustedxup: life*
explodingxxboy: what do you mean?
allxbustedxup: i dont get why me? you're like fucking perfect...
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: you don't understand how happy you make me benji
allxbustedxup: you dont understand what you're doing to me joel, what you've already done!
explodingxxboy: ...what?
allxbustedxup: the way you make me feel
allxbustedxup: you've honestly pulled me out of the rut that was my life
explodingxxboy: same with me benji...i wish you knew just how fucking amazing you make me feel
explodingxxboy: and i feel even more amazing that i'm helping you. i want to make you happy benj
allxbustedxup: you do joel, more so then anyone else ive ever come in contact with
explodingxxboy: i'm glad benji
explodingxxboy: you shouldn't wonder "why you" because i think it's pretty obvious :-)
allxbustedxup: im sorry i didnt mean to get all mushy but i havent been able to get over what i read
explodingxxboy: dont be sorry
allxbustedxup: i think you're amazing
explodingxxboy: i think you're amazing too benji
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: just like every night i wish you were here
explodingxxboy: :-( i do too
allxbustedxup: friday friday friday
allxbustedxup: ive just got to keep looking forward to that
explodingxxboy: thursday night
allxbustedxup: tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!!!
explodingxxboy: :-D yep!
allxbustedxup: so what are we going to do?

explodingxxboy: whatever you want :-)
allxbustedxup: am i staying over there?
explodingxxboy: i'd love it if you did
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: ...are your parents going out of town???
explodingxxboy: more than likely dude, haha
explodingxxboy: why???
allxbustedxup: just wondering
explodingxxboy: ah
explodingxxboy: it's safe to say they'll be m.i.a this weekend as always
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: i love what means
allxbustedxup: that*
explodingxxboy: oh? and what exactly DOES that mean benji???
explodingxxboy: will you be joining me in my home alone ritual?
allxbustedxup: it means you're naked
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: and that my friend makes me VERY happy
allxbustedxup: in very different ways
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: well...i ain't gettin naked alone. i'll say that much ;-)
allxbustedxup: that would be so hot if you did
explodingxxboy: if i got naked?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: only if you join me
explodingxxboy: so...?
allxbustedxup: so...
allxbustedxup: what if.. and you can say no
allxbustedxup: what if sometime we um, took a shower together....:-[
explodingxxboy: oh god, i just got a huge fluttery feeling in my stomach when i read that... :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: just asking it gave me butterflys
allxbustedxup: you can say no
allxbustedxup: i mean we dont have to tomorrow or even this weekend...
explodingxxboy: i'd really like to...
allxbustedxup: maybe i should've waited to ask
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: really
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: shit wow
explodingxxboy: thinking about it, um...yeah...wow is a good word...
allxbustedxup: just seeing you and that.. and wet... wooo damn
explodingxxboy: i agree completely dude...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: guess im gunna head to bed...
allxbustedxup: ill see you tomorrow after school :-)
explodingxxboy: okay
explodingxxboy: yes :-D
allxbustedxup: ill pick you up again :-)
explodingxxboy: aw dude you dont have to do that
allxbustedxup: i want too, unless you dont want me too
allxbustedxup: to*
explodingxxboy: like i'm gonna say no to seeing you :-P
explodingxxboy: if you really wanna dude, i'd love that :-)
allxbustedxup: good :-)
allxbustedxup: i dont need you out in the cold getting sick on me
allxbustedxup: but then, i would get to take care of you
explodingxxboy: you're way too good to me man
explodingxxboy: aw dude
allxbustedxup: cause i kind of have this crush on ya
allxbustedxup: ;-)
explodingxxboy: well...i kind of have this crush on YOU
allxbustedxup: but dont tell my boyfriend
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: my lips are sealed ;-)
allxbustedxup: good :-)
allxbustedxup: goodnight jerm
explodingxxboy: goodnight benjamin :-)
allxbustedxup: :-P
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:39:01 AM.

54.

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 06:34:40 GMT

explodingxxboy: benji!
allxbustedxup: joel!
explodingxxboy: i haven't talked to you for like a day, how are you? i miss you.
allxbustedxup: haha, im good, how are you?
explodingxxboy: did anything happen last night?
explodingxxboy: i couldn't get ahold of you
allxbustedxup: electricity went out, which sucks cause the cordless phone runs off it, and we dont have one that just plugs in, cause i wanted to call you
explodingxxboy: aw dude, that's shitty. i was thinking about you all night last night and today cause i was wondering why you never came online and didn't pick up your phone. i was worried dude...
explodingxxboy: i dont want to sound like all, obsessive boyfriend-ish or anything...
allxbustedxup: well you're suppose to sound boyfriend-ish :-P
allxbustedxup: haha, yeah the bill got paid late cause my check came the day it was suppose to be paid, but then it takes like 3 days to get there in the mail, so they got it late
explodingxxboy: i don't wanna be annoying or anything
explodingxxboy: that sucks dude
explodingxxboy: i'm glad it's all good now though cause i missed you :-(
explodingxxboy: i probably would've come over if i didn't talk to you tonight
allxbustedxup: i missed you too
allxbustedxup: i sat in my room with like the only 3 candles i have lit, reading
explodingxxboy: dude, that's the cutest image
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: and i'm allowed to say things are cute now
allxbustedxup: haha, so whats up how are you?
explodingxxboy: i'm doin better now that we're talking :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: my car's in the shop though
explodingxxboy: so i have to walk home from school, which sucks ASS
allxbustedxup: dude! why?
explodingxxboy: i dunno man, something's wrong with it
explodingxxboy: it doesn't start
explodingxxboy: fuck mother nature for deciding to dump all this snow on us
allxbustedxup: dude, thats horrible!
explodingxxboy: eh, it's not a huge deal really
explodingxxboy: i have a nice warm coat and some boots, haha
allxbustedxup: i gotta see that
allxbustedxup: how far do you live from the school?
explodingxxboy: :-P i look like an idiot, so you'll never see it
explodingxxboy: a few miles
allxbustedxup: fuck that sucks, when will your car be fixed?
explodingxxboy: it's not that bad really. i just throw on my ipod and stuff. gives me time to think or whatever
explodingxxboy: i think he said this weekend
explodingxxboy: they're going to call me
allxbustedxup: doesnt your brother go to the same school?
explodingxxboy: like he'd be seen giving me a ride
explodingxxboy: it's not a huge deal benji, i really don't mind walking
allxbustedxup: what a jackass
explodingxxboy: i wouldn't want a ride from him anyway
allxbustedxup: you dont like talk to anyone at school who'd give you a ride?
explodingxxboy: nah
explodingxxboy: it's cool dude
allxbustedxup: dude, that sucks
allxbustedxup: the people in your school are fucked
explodingxxboy: eh, i wouldn't wanna hang out with them anyway
allxbustedxup: they just dont see what their missing
explodingxxboy: it's not much dude
allxbustedxup: yes it is!
allxbustedxup: dont sell yourself short like that
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: you're the most interesting person i know
explodingxxboy: haha that's sad dude
allxbustedxup: no its not
allxbustedxup: i could listen to talk forever, even if it was about nothing
allxbustedxup: you*
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: Joel Ruben Madden :-)
explodingxxboy: :-P
explodingxxboy: benjamin levi combs
allxbustedxup: :-\
allxbustedxup: that honestly the worst name ever
explodingxxboy: i think it's the cuttest!
explodingxxboy: *cutest
allxbustedxup: benjamin- ick, levi- who names there kid that! and combs- no thanks
explodingxxboy: i LOVE the name benjamin, i'm not even joking
allxbustedxup: ew why
explodingxxboy: and your middle name is adorable, and your last name is cute too
explodingxxboy: i just do
explodingxxboy: now JOEL, that's a stupid name
allxbustedxup: no its not, its cute, ive never known a joel before you
allxbustedxup: benjamin is WAY to common
explodingxxboy: i don't think so. at least i dont' know too many benjamins
allxbustedxup: i hate being called that
explodingxxboy: there's a reason why you dont know any joel's. cause that name sucks!
allxbustedxup: no it doesnt
explodingxxboy: how about ben?
allxbustedxup: i really like it
allxbustedxup: sounds too proper for me
explodingxxboy: well i really like your name, so there :-)
allxbustedxup: benjamin sounds too proper/smart, and ben sounds too proper/plain
explodingxxboy: i think they both sound hot ;-)
allxbustedxup: dude im gunna name myself benmin
explodingxxboy: haha
explodingxxboy: well, i love benji the most. i think it suits you very nicely
allxbustedxup: haha cause everyone loves shaggy dogs
explodingxxboy: yep ;-)
explodingxxboy: you're my little shaggy dog
allxbustedxup: haha aww
explodingxxboy: :-D
allxbustedxup: and you're my little jerm
explodingxxboy: that seriously is the worst nickname EVER dude
allxbustedxup: i like it
explodingxxboy: i dont wanna be a jerm dude, haha
allxbustedxup: but you're MY jerm
explodingxxboy: haha, if that's how you wanna think of me dude ;-)
allxbustedxup: you're a good jerm
explodingxxboy: i'm just kidding. i love being your jerm, but only cause it's you
allxbustedxup: a sexy one:-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: well you're the sexiest shaggy dog i've ever known
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: i wonder if people would think i was talking about the dog if i said something like "god, benji is so hot." haha
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: people would probably think i was mental if i just decided to say outloud "Man jerm is hot"
explodingxxboy: haha, i think people think i'm mental anyway
explodingxxboy: they probably wouldn't be surprised if i was talking about benji the dog like that
explodingxxboy: haha
allxbustedxup signed off at 11:26:03 PM.
allxbustedxup signed on at 11:26:16 PM.
allxbustedxup: :-[i just realized that you may have called me hot
explodingxxboy: you are
allxbustedxup: hardly, no one's ever called me that before
explodingxxboy: i think you are
allxbustedxup: i think you are
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: no one's ever called me that before either. so we're even
allxbustedxup: you've got an amazing body, joel.
allxbustedxup: one that ive kinda thought about since i seen it
explodingxxboy: :-[ so do you benji
explodingxxboy: ...what do you mean?
allxbustedxup: oh i dont know, its just seem to cross my mind about a thousand times a day
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: same here
allxbustedxup: um yeah
explodingxxboy: i uh, think about you a LOT benji...
allxbustedxup: yeah you're probably "great i need to think of a way to NOT hang out with that loser
allxbustedxup: "
explodingxxboy: oh shut up dude
allxbustedxup: i dont want to make you uncomfortable... but uh yeah you've got a really nice.. um.. wow why i cant i say stuff to you without blushing...
explodingxxboy: i uh...usually give myself a little, problem...when i think about you
allxbustedxup: penis, you've got a really nice penis
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: you do too benji :-[
allxbustedxup: haha, not really
explodingxxboy: everything about you is nice
explodingxxboy: i think so :-[
allxbustedxup: ive got something i should probably admit to...
explodingxxboy: ..what?
allxbustedxup: sunday night when you fell asleep i pulled the covers down and just looked at you... that's probably really creepy huh?
allxbustedxup: im sorry.
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: dont be
explodingxxboy: i'm just really embarrassed... :-[
allxbustedxup: you shouldnt be
allxbustedxup: you're seriously.. gah
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i don't know how you can think those things about me...
allxbustedxup: i swear i didnt do anything creepy i just looked at you because you've got a really nice body
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: i mean i always thought that with your clothes on, but when they came off... shit man
explodingxxboy: dude :-[ stop making me blush, haha
allxbustedxup: its the truth man
explodingxxboy: well, i don't know if this says anything to you...but you're the only guy that has ever turned me on...and you do benji...god you do :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[:-[
explodingxxboy: i mean...it was kind of obvious... :-[
allxbustedxup: haha, did you pay attention to me at all, i mean damn it was so hard to stop myself
explodingxxboy: same :-[
allxbustedxup: i just dont want to rush us into anything ya know?
explodingxxboy: i know, and i don't wanna either
allxbustedxup: i mean there are times i really really want to...
explodingxxboy: i just wanna let you know how much it means to me that you're being so caring and understanding of me benji...thanks
explodingxxboy: me too...
allxbustedxup: you dont have to thank me man, i like taking things slow, it means more that way
explodingxxboy: :-) yeah
explodingxxboy: i don't want you to think i don't want this though benji, because i really do
allxbustedxup: me too
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: you make me really happy benji. ...i just wanted to tell you that
allxbustedxup: that just made me all mushy
allxbustedxup: and smile
allxbustedxup: you make me really happy too joel, really happy
explodingxxboy: :-)aw dude. that made me mushy and smiley too
explodingxxboy: honestly benj...i've never been this happy...ever.
allxbustedxup: trust me i know exaclty what you mean
explodingxxboy: i wish i could like, find a way to tell you just how much everything you do and say means to me. how you treat me...i've never been treated like that before in my life, and that means so much to me benji
explodingxxboy: i know i'm getting sappy...but i just want you to know
allxbustedxup: ive never in my life had someone care about me the way you do, its insane, the things you say and do, i dont get why you care, i thought id go through this entire lifetime hallow fending for myself
explodingxxboy: me too
allxbustedxup: like when i get my ass kicked no one ever cared before thats why i dont make a big deal out of it
explodingxxboy: same with the way things are with my family or how things go down at school
allxbustedxup: it serioulsy frustrates me the way your family treats you
explodingxxboy: it frustrates me the way you dad treats you
allxbustedxup: i just want to adopt you and hug you for the rest of your life
explodingxxboy: :-D me too!
allxbustedxup: i wish i could hug you
explodingxxboy: i wish i could hug you too
allxbustedxup: im gunna head to bed
allxbustedxup: i wish you were here
explodingxxboy: :-( me too benji
allxbustedxup: goodnight joel
explodingxxboy: goodnight man

53.

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 06:50:48 GMT

explodingxxboy: hey stud
allxbustedxup: haha, hey you
explodingxxboy: what's up?
allxbustedxup: just ate some bad peanuts
allxbustedxup: you?
explodingxxboy: ew, haha
explodingxxboy: watchin a show on tattoos
allxbustedxup: sorry about this morning
explodingxxboy: why are you sorry?
allxbustedxup: cause i wasnt dressed dude
explodingxxboy: that's nothing to apologize for :-)
allxbustedxup: i hope i didnt make you uncomrtable
explodingxxboy: not at all man
allxbustedxup: thank you brunch, again
explodingxxboy: it was my pleasure :-D
explodingxxboy: thanks for coming with me
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: it was a nice surprise this morning
explodingxxboy: i hope that was alright to just show up like that. i feel kinda bad that i just did that and you weren't ready or anything
allxbustedxup: it was really nice seeing you there when i wasnt expecting you
explodingxxboy: yeah?
explodingxxboy: i like surprising you :-)
allxbustedxup: :-) how did you get in?
explodingxxboy: your dad let me in
allxbustedxup: :-\was he mean?
explodingxxboy: nah dude, he was on his way out
allxbustedxup: im really glad you came over
explodingxxboy: so am i. i'm glad that you're glad :-D
explodingxxboy: i'm in a good mood right now, if you can't tell haha.
allxbustedxup: how come?
explodingxxboy: i dunno. i've just been in a good mood since we hung out dude :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: i woke up early this morning and i just really wanted to see you...so i did :-)
allxbustedxup: im glad
explodingxxboy: so...you were sleeping naked ;-)
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: that was a nice little surprise :-)
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: did uh, did you see anything?
explodingxxboy: nah
allxbustedxup: really?
explodingxxboy: you never gave me a chance ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: hey man, you cant see the goods tell i see yours ;-)
explodingxxboy: we'll just have to see about that!
allxbustedxup: i thought for sure you saw something. how long were you there before i woke up?
explodingxxboy: a few minutes... :-[
explodingxxboy: you're cute when you sleep
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: so i was covered?
explodingxxboy: from the waist down
allxbustedxup: did you know i was naked?
explodingxxboy: not till we were kissing and stuff
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: sorry
explodingxxboy: don't be sorry dude :-)
allxbustedxup: i would've slept in something if i knew you were coming over
explodingxxboy: i liked the surprise :-)
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: i thought for sure you saw something
explodingxxboy: maybe next time you should let me ;-)
allxbustedxup: you could make next time REALLY soon...
explodingxxboy: how soon?
allxbustedxup: ohh i dont know.. tonight
explodingxxboy: what about school tomorrow?
allxbustedxup: ugh
explodingxxboy: :-(
allxbustedxup: i swear to god school ruins EVERYTHING!
explodingxxboy: i know
explodingxxboy: i could leave early...
allxbustedxup: ...yeah
explodingxxboy: or if you don't work i can come by after school...
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: what do you think?
allxbustedxup: either
explodingxxboy: both?
allxbustedxup: yeah!
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: you're gonna let me see you naked?
allxbustedxup: ...if you want
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah, if you want...
explodingxxboy: i do... :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: only if you want too though
allxbustedxup: i dont mind, if you want want to see me that way.. i trust you
explodingxxboy: i do wanna see you...you know that i trust you too, if you wanna...you know
allxbustedxup: ..what?

explodingxxboy: see me too...
allxbustedxup: really..?
explodingxxboy: yeah :-[
explodingxxboy: and it's only fair too, right?
allxbustedxup: yeah :-)
allxbustedxup signed off at 10:19:45 PM.
allxbustedxup signed on at 10:20:16 PM.
explodingxxboy: i'm nervous benj...i don't wanna like, disapoint or something...
allxbustedxup: i dont think thats possible.. i mean i felt it...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: i like what i felt... :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: what if you dont like... you know..
explodingxxboy: don't worry benji :-)
allxbustedxup: but like, what if you see it and you decide ya know, that maybe thats not what you want after all...?
explodingxxboy: it's not like i haven't thought about...you know...
allxbustedxup: ...what?
explodingxxboy: you
allxbustedxup: but um.. does, hmm i dont know how to word it
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: man look at what you've done to me, i get all shy saying certain things around you
explodingxxboy: so do i
allxbustedxup: does a penis turn you on...? :-[
explodingxxboy: the more i think about it, and you...and stuff...it does... :-[
explodingxxboy: feeling you against me friday night really did...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: the only one i've ever seen is, mine...
explodingxxboy: that makes me sound really damn innocent or something, :-\
allxbustedxup: haha, no, why would you have reason to have seen any other ones
explodingxxboy: i dunno, porn or something
allxbustedxup: so you're not into porn?
explodingxxboy: no...
allxbustedxup: so what's wrong with that?
explodingxxboy: i've been too scared to ever get any...
allxbustedxup: i think its pretty corny
explodingxxboy: i think that makes me sound stupid or something
allxbustedxup: why are you scared?
explodingxxboy: what 17 year old guy doesn't get porn?
explodingxxboy: too nervous...someone will see me that i know, or i'll get weird looks or something...
allxbustedxup: do you want porn?
explodingxxboy: not really
explodingxxboy: the thought never really appealed to me anyway
allxbustedxup: does the thought of having sex with a guy turn you on?...
explodingxxboy: i could've always downloaded it or something, but again i was nervous that someone would find out. i'm really paranoied or something. i'm a dork
explodingxxboy: the more i think of it...
explodingxxboy: i don't really know what to expect or how to really think about it....
allxbustedxup: yeah, but you've the general idea of it right?
explodingxxboy: yeah
allxbustedxup: does that turn you on?
explodingxxboy: i, don't really know...i trust you when you say it feels good, and that thought turns me on...and doing it with you, that thought turns me on...
allxbustedxup: id never make you do anything you didnt want to, im just asking if the idea turns you on
explodingxxboy: i know you wouldn't benji
explodingxxboy: the idea of being with you turns me on :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: ...do i?
allxbustedxup: do you what?

explodingxxboy: turn you on
explodingxxboy: the thought of being with me
allxbustedxup: like you wouldn't believe...
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[ really?
allxbustedxup: yes
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: you've always turned me on
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: that very first picture you sent me, my jaw dropped:-[
explodingxxboy: :-[ really?
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: no lies
explodingxxboy: i find that hard to believe
allxbustedxup: im not lying
explodingxxboy: i know...but it's hard for me to believe
allxbustedxup: why?
allxbustedxup: you're hot.
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i've never thought of myself jawdropping material man
allxbustedxup: you are
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-)
allxbustedxup: so... you coming over then?
explodingxxboy: i'd love to, if you still want me to
allxbustedxup: of course :-)
explodingxxboy: :-D you want me to come now?
allxbustedxup: yes please :-)
explodingxxboy: okay :-)
explodingxxboy: i'll see you in about an hour then :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D drive safe
explodingxxboy: i will, see you soon
explodingxxboy: :-*

52.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 06:57:55 GMT

allxbustedxup: hey joel
explodingxxboy: hey benj
explodingxxboy: how was work?
allxbustedxup: blah
explodingxxboy: it sucks you had to work dude :-(
allxbustedxup: i know :-(
allxbustedxup: your boxers are here...
explodingxxboy: oops :-[
explodingxxboy: i still have yours too...
allxbustedxup: when i was folding my laundry i noticed them
explodingxxboy: we'll have to exchange next time we're together
allxbustedxup: yeah
allxbustedxup: i wish i wouldnt have had to work today
explodingxxboy: i know, me either
explodingxxboy: do you know if you work next weekend?
allxbustedxup: nope, i dont work
explodingxxboy: :-D yay!
explodingxxboy: we'll have to make up for the time we missed this weekend :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: got anything in mind? :-)
allxbustedxup: you :-)
explodingxxboy: :-[ you make me blush dude
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: i know i've already said it, but i had a really awesome weekend benj
allxbustedxup: me too joel
explodingxxboy: yeah?
allxbustedxup: of course
explodingxxboy: :-) i'm glad
allxbustedxup: man it sucks when you leave
explodingxxboy: it sucks being at home by myself
allxbustedxup: are you home alone?
explodingxxboy: yeah
explodingxxboy: you know what that means, haha
allxbustedxup: haha, naked?
explodingxxboy: course ;-)
explodingxxboy: i took a shower and couldnt be bothered getting dressed :-)
allxbustedxup: ohh, to live next door to you
explodingxxboy: my poor neighbors, haha
allxbustedxup: think they can see?
explodingxxboy: nah, our houses aren't close enough
allxbustedxup: damn i was gunna call em
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: haha
allxbustedxup: so you're just sitting over there naked and alone?
explodingxxboy: yep
allxbustedxup: damn me for living so far away, damn me i say!
explodingxxboy: haha, you dont wanna see it dude
allxbustedxup: whistles
explodingxxboy: whatcha whistling for?
allxbustedxup: cause
explodingxxboy: there's a reason i get naked when i'm alone, haha
allxbustedxup: well i havent seen anything thats turned me off yet
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: i got nothin impressive man
allxbustedxup: ...yeah, ok
explodingxxboy: you haven't seen me naked...
allxbustedxup: pretty close
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: you've got a really nice body
explodingxxboy: i really like your body benj
explodingxxboy: i don't compare man
allxbustedxup: you dont have to say that
explodingxxboy: i know i don't, but i am cause it's true
allxbustedxup: no, i dont. clearly the girls around that area blind and dumb
explodingxxboy: well I think you do benji
allxbustedxup: hey this is about you being naked
explodingxxboy: not anymore ;-)
explodingxxboy: and what about me being naked, hmm?
allxbustedxup: nothing, im just thinking about it ;-)
explodingxxboy: :-[ you're crazy
allxbustedxup: oh, how am i crazy?
explodingxxboy: thinking about silly things like that
allxbustedxup: its not silly, its hot
explodingxxboy: that's what you think dude, haha
allxbustedxup: to each his own, i guess
explodingxxboy: :-P
allxbustedxup: :-D
explodingxxboy: ;-)
explodingxxboy: tell me something
allxbustedxup: grr
allxbustedxup: what do you want me to tell you?
explodingxxboy: :-\ you dont have to
allxbustedxup: :-P i was playin'
allxbustedxup: ask me something
explodingxxboy: you scared me for a minute
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: i thought you were mad
allxbustedxup: never :-)
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: then tell me something :-)
explodingxxboy: tell me what you're thinking about right this second
allxbustedxup: you
explodingxxboy: that's a boring answer :-P
allxbustedxup: no its not
allxbustedxup: what are you thinking about right now??
explodingxxboy: YOU :-)
allxbustedxup: now THATS boring
explodingxxboy: i think it's pretty sexy
allxbustedxup: haha :-[
allxbustedxup: you know what i think is pretty sexy
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: that you're talking to me naked
explodingxxboy: :-[ you like that?
allxbustedxup: yeah :-[
explodingxxboy: it'd be hotter if you were naked too :-[
allxbustedxup: oh, really?/
explodingxxboy: yes, really :-)
explodingxxboy: so...
allxbustedxup: maybe i am
explodingxxboy: really??
allxbustedxup: nah
allxbustedxup: im in my boxers though
explodingxxboy: you should take em off ;-)
allxbustedxup: ooh kinky
explodingxxboy: :-*
explodingxxboy: you gonna do it?
allxbustedxup: do you really want me to?
explodingxxboy: mmhmm
allxbustedxup: ok..
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: ...yeah
explodingxxboy: that's hot benj
allxbustedxup: for real?
explodingxxboy: yeah
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: so...now we're talking to each other naked...
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: we're kinda kinky right now, haha
allxbustedxup: yeah, we are
allxbustedxup: i feel so... naked
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: go figure
explodingxxboy: haha. isnt it fun?
explodingxxboy: i love being naked, it rules
allxbustedxup: i usually sleep naked in the summer when it gets really hot out
allxbustedxup: but i never take it much farther then that
allxbustedxup: we dont have AC so you have to make do
explodingxxboy: ah, i see
explodingxxboy: i always sleep naked
allxbustedxup: nuh uh
explodingxxboy: well...i USED to, when i slept alone
allxbustedxup: you should...
explodingxxboy: only if you do...
allxbustedxup: no one wants to see that
allxbustedxup: i think itd be really hot if you slept naked
explodingxxboy: i do :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: like, i wouldnt touch you or anything if you didnt want it, itd just be really hot
explodingxxboy: i think it'd be really hot too
allxbustedxup: if you did?
explodingxxboy: if we both did...
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: me naked= not good
explodingxxboy: to me it = good
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: i'd like to see all of you sometime... :-[
allxbustedxup: :-[...really?
explodingxxboy: yeah :-[
allxbustedxup: i dont get why...
explodingxxboy: because i like you...a lot benj
allxbustedxup: :-[
allxbustedxup: i really like you joel
explodingxxboy: i really like you too
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: id really like to see all of you
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: i'm sure you'd change your mind with one glance haha
allxbustedxup: im sure i wouldnt
explodingxxboy: guess we'll see
allxbustedxup: you felt really... nice
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: everything felt really nice :-[
explodingxxboy: i'm still so embarrassed...
allxbustedxup: same here... everything is different with you
explodingxxboy: how?
allxbustedxup: well ive done that kind of stuff before but with you i get really nervous and embarassed
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: i want you to like me...
explodingxxboy: i do like you, a lot
allxbustedxup: well i want you to continue to like me so i worry about everything
explodingxxboy: i want you to continue liking me too benji
allxbustedxup: i dont think thats going to be problem
explodingxxboy: i know i'll continue liking you :-)
explodingxxboy: i've been thinking a lot about last night
allxbustedxup: me too
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: i'd uh...really like to do that again...
allxbustedxup: :-[i would too...
explodingxxboy: :-[
allxbustedxup: you feel..nice.. like really nice
explodingxxboy: :-[ what do you mean...
allxbustedxup: you know..
explodingxxboy: oh :-[
explodingxxboy: i don't really understand why...
allxbustedxup: you just feel really nice
explodingxxboy: i'd like to feel you.... :-[
allxbustedxup: id really like that...
explodingxxboy: :-)
explodingxxboy: i'll be so nervous...
allxbustedxup: you dont have to be
explodingxxboy: yeah i do
allxbustedxup: why?
allxbustedxup: id never laugh at you or anything
explodingxxboy: cause i dont wanna be bad....
allxbustedxup: i highly doubt you would be
explodingxxboy: i just want it to be good
allxbustedxup: it would be
allxbustedxup: see thats the beauty of it joel...
explodingxxboy: what is?
allxbustedxup: do you know what you like when you touch yourself?
explodingxxboy: yeah...
allxbustedxup: well, when you're with a guy, you just do what feels good to you, chances are its the same for them
allxbustedxup: you dont have to guess, like you would with a girl
explodingxxboy: hopefully i'm better than i've been with girls
allxbustedxup: you've been great so far, no lie
explodingxxboy: i haven't done anything though
allxbustedxup: what do you mean?
explodingxxboy: what have i done that's made me great?
allxbustedxup: touching, kissing...
explodingxxboy: :-[ really?
allxbustedxup: of course, i wouldnt lie
explodingxxboy: you're amazing
allxbustedxup: ha, hardly
explodingxxboy: you have no idea dude, like, seriously
explodingxxboy: you're so fucking amazing benji, like...yeah. you are
allxbustedxup: :-[
explodingxxboy: :-[ it's true
allxbustedxup: you know um...
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: im pretty sure you're the biggest... that i've... touched
explodingxxboy: :-[
explodingxxboy: that's pretty sad...
allxbustedxup: no, its not...
allxbustedxup: like i said... you feel really nice
explodingxxboy: :-[ i'm blushing like you wouldnt believe right now benj
allxbustedxup: :-)i wish i could see that
explodingxxboy: :-P
explodingxxboy: i think i'm gonna go to bed now dude, i'm really sleepy. i wish you were here with me :-(
allxbustedxup: oh, alright, me too
explodingxxboy: i'll talk to you tomorrow benj :-)
allxbustedxup: :-) goodnight joel
explodingxxboy: thanks again for this weekend. i had the best time
explodingxxboy: goodnight :-)
allxbustedxup: me too thanks joel
explodingxxboy: sweet dreams benj ;-)

51.

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 07:04:50 GMT

allxbustedxup: hi
explodingxxboy: hey
explodingxxboy: how are you?
allxbustedxup: alright
allxbustedxup: you?
explodingxxboy: truthfully?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: i'm still upset benj
allxbustedxup: :-\
explodingxxboy: i just really wish you'd leave or something
allxbustedxup: i cant joel
explodingxxboy: your dad makes me so angry
explodingxxboy: can i ask you a question?
allxbustedxup: its stupid to put this much thought into it joel
allxbustedxup: of course
explodingxxboy: will you answer?
allxbustedxup: what is it?
explodingxxboy: why did he do that to you benji?
allxbustedxup: does it really matter?
explodingxxboy: i just want to know
allxbustedxup: the school called him at work and wanted to know why i've been missing so much school
explodingxxboy: why have you been skipping so much?
allxbustedxup: dont feel like going
explodingxxboy: please go benj...
allxbustedxup: they aren't teaching me anything i dont already know
explodingxxboy: i don't want to even think of what he'd do if you didn't graduate...
allxbustedxup: he wouldn't care, he doesnt care about it that way. he just doesnt want me to interupt his life
explodingxxboy: either way, i don't want you to get hurt anymore
explodingxxboy: please, for me?
allxbustedxup: i have been going
explodingxxboy: why'd he do that then?
allxbustedxup: well, today i went
explodingxxboy: good
explodingxxboy: i just want you to be okay
allxbustedxup: im fine
explodingxxboy: ok
explodingxxboy: you promise?
allxbustedxup: joel, this is all shit that ive been dealing with my whole life. its not worth putting a lot of thought into
explodingxxboy: well i do
allxbustedxup: well dont. you can't change it, you can't take it back. you take it and you move on
explodingxxboy: you just shouldn't have to take that...
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry, but i can't help caring benj
allxbustedxup: it means a lot to me that you care like that joel, but it cant be changed
explodingxxboy: i hate that
explodingxxboy: just promise me that whatever happen, you'll be out of there when you turn 18
allxbustedxup: i plan on it
explodingxxboy: good
explodingxxboy: so
allxbustedxup: so..
explodingxxboy: tell me something
allxbustedxup: like?
explodingxxboy: anything :-)
allxbustedxup: you wear really cute boxers
explodingxxboy: haha :-[
allxbustedxup: i wish you were here
explodingxxboy: me too
explodingxxboy: tell me something else
allxbustedxup: umm
allxbustedxup: i dont know ask me something
explodingxxboy: i dunno...
explodingxxboy: tell me something :-)
allxbustedxup: i dont know what to tell you
explodingxxboy: nevermind then
allxbustedxup: sorry :-(
allxbustedxup: ask something
explodingxxboy: it's fine benj
allxbustedxup: i really like you spooning me last night... it made me feel safe
explodingxxboy: really?
allxbustedxup: yeah
explodingxxboy: i liked holding you
allxbustedxup: are we getting together this weekend?
explodingxxboy: i already thought we were...
explodingxxboy: i asked if i could take you out...
allxbustedxup: i know, i was just making sure
explodingxxboy: oh. unless you've changed your mind
allxbustedxup: not at all
explodingxxboy: okay good
allxbustedxup: will you come spend the weekend with me?
explodingxxboy: i'd love to
allxbustedxup: im gunna head to bed i think...
explodingxxboy: alright
allxbustedxup: talk to you tomorrow :-)
allxbustedxup: goodnight joel
explodingxxboy: okay
explodingxxboy: goodnight benji
allxbustedxup signed off at 12:47:02 AM.

50.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 05:49:00 GMT

allxbustedxup: levi
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: thats my middle name
explodingxxboy: oh..
allxbustedxup: ...i dont want to be broken up.....
explodingxxboy: i didn't know we were...
allxbustedxup: you said...
explodingxxboy: it was a joke threat. i thought maybe you'd tell me
allxbustedxup: but you just left
explodingxxboy: you wouldn't tell me, and it didn't sound like you cared....i was upset
allxbustedxup: im sorry i dont want you to be upset
explodingxxboy: what did you think i was going to do when you told me your middle name benji? don't you trust me or something?
allxbustedxup: i was just messin' around
explodingxxboy: i guess i missunderstood
explodingxxboy: sorry for making it a huge deal
allxbustedxup: im sorry for not telling you...
explodingxxboy: i'd never make fun of you for something like that benj
allxbustedxup: i know
explodingxxboy: levi is cute
allxbustedxup: hardly
explodingxxboy: i think it is
allxbustedxup: i dont want you to be upset at me joel
explodingxxboy: i'm not upset at you. are you upset at me?
allxbustedxup: no
allxbustedxup: i was gunna call you last night
allxbustedxup: but my dad took the phone when i got offline
explodingxxboy: i couldn't get through
allxbustedxup: my dad was on the phone
allxbustedxup: im sorry
explodingxxboy: i was so upset today because i was scared i made such a huge deal and that you took what i said personally and didn't care...
explodingxxboy: i'm sorry too benji
allxbustedxup: i was so scared you really wanted to break up
explodingxxboy: i don't want that at ALL
explodingxxboy: can we forget it happened?
allxbustedxup: yes, please
explodingxxboy: good :-)
explodingxxboy: can we kiss and make up now?
allxbustedxup: id really like that
explodingxxboy: :-* muah
explodingxxboy: virtual kiss for now ;-)
allxbustedxup: haha
allxbustedxup: :-*
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: when can we REALLY make up?
allxbustedxup: of course, how?
explodingxxboy: when can we??
allxbustedxup: whenever you'd like :-)
explodingxxboy: later tonight?
allxbustedxup: are you gunna come over??
explodingxxboy: can i?
allxbustedxup: you dont even have to ask
explodingxxboy: :-D
explodingxxboy: i really missed you
allxbustedxup: i missed you too
allxbustedxup: i had a horrible day
explodingxxboy: so did i
explodingxxboy: joel will come over and make it better :-)
explodingxxboy: you're supposed to be excited :-(
allxbustedxup: i am!
allxbustedxup: i just gotta get up early
explodingxxboy: we can wait until after school
allxbustedxup: i dont wanna wait that long
explodingxxboy: okay
allxbustedxup: ill just skip school
explodingxxboy: don't do that benj
allxbustedxup: why?
explodingxxboy: because you aren't gonna graduate if you keep skipping
explodingxxboy: and i dont want your dad to get mad at you
allxbustedxup: haha
explodingxxboy: what?
allxbustedxup: nothing
allxbustedxup: dont worry about it man
explodingxxboy: but i do
explodingxxboy: i can come over, give you a kiss and leave. i'll come back over after school
allxbustedxup: no, please stay
explodingxxboy: will you go to school?
allxbustedxup: if i get up in time
explodingxxboy: i'll make sure you do ;-) i gotta go to school too anyway
allxbustedxup: i wanna cuddle
explodingxxboy: me too
allxbustedxup: will you come over now?
explodingxxboy: yes :-)
allxbustedxup: :-D
allxbustedxup: see you in a little while then?
explodingxxboy: you bet
explodingxxboy: :-)
allxbustedxup: drive safe!
explodingxxboy: aw thanks, i will
allxbustedxup: see you soon
explodingxxboy: yep!